Schlock The Halls

You may be reading this, wondering where all of the badly-written reviews of mediocre made-for-TV Christmas movies I usually would be writing are, since by now I'm usually hip-deep in my annual Schlock-Mas celebration, and well on my way to overdosing on manufactured holiday cheer. I haven't written any reviews yet, and I haven't watched any movies on the Hallmark Channel or wherever else, because I knew weeks ago I just wasn't going to be able to keep pace with 25 reviews in 25 days. I'm still recovering from major surgery, and there's just a lot going on in my life right now, so 25 Days Of Schlock-Mas was simply never a realistic possibility for me this year.

And yet here I find myself, sitting in front of my broken-down old computer, actually missing the holiday grind to which I subjected myself for the past five years. Strangely enough, it just doesn't feel like the holidays without watching a bunch of cheap, sappy movies on television and complaining about them on the internet.

So my original intention was to come back on December 13th with a pared-down 12 Days Of Schlock-Mas, but a recent setback in my recovery kept me mostly in bed for the past week, leaving me in no mood to watch any of these movies and unable to sit in front of my computer long enough to write about them anyway, so my original plan simply fell apart. So instead, now that I'm getting around better and can sit upright for more than ten minutes at a time, I have returned with the all-new, all-different... Four Days Of Schlock-Mas?!?

I know it doesn't exactly have the same ring to it, but this is all I could manage to accomplish this year, so we're all just going to have to settle for a little less, I suppose. Starting tomorrow, I'll be posting the first of a whopping four brand new crappy holiday movie reviews, all for... someone's reading enjoyment. Probably not yours, but somebody's, surely. Just to clarify, the movies are crappy. I'm writing four reviews of four crappy movies I'll be watching on Hallmark Channel. Or maybe Lifetime. I suppose I can't necessarily speak to the quality of the reviews, themselves. They may very well be crappy, as well. I guess we'll all find out tomorrow. Thanks for coming along with me on this pointless journey into seasonal madness.

Ho, ho ho?