Ninja Assassin? What For?

Thanksgiving.

Why do people eat 'dinner' on Thanksgiving and Christmas so fucking early? 2 PM at the latest, it seems. It never made sense to me.

That's not dinner. That's some kind of 'linner' or 'lupper'. Dinner time rolls around, and it's leftovers, already.

Christ. Don't get me started on leftovers. Fuck turkey sandwiches. It's obscene. I'm not even a big fan of turkey. I prefer chicken. Why can't we eat chicken on Thanksgiving?

Screw the turkey, and screw Benjamin Franklin for his turkey-loving ways. Old pervert.

Anyway... I saw "Ninja Assassin" shortly after the delightful Thanksgiving "linner".

Too much digital blood. Too much focus on the antics of a pair of "Europol" agents investigating all the ninja assassinations. Not enough actual ninja action.

And why does the climactic action sequence involve a bunch of soldiers in Hummers on top of a fucking mountain blowing up ninjas with bazookas? That's not right.

Sho Kosugi was good. So was RAAAAAIIIINNN!!!!!!!!

Not a bad way to spend a couple hours after eating some fucking turkey.

Some little kid walked right into my knee during the movie. Just wandered right into my big fucking knee like he just didn't see it. It wasn't that dark, little kid. Then he wandered away, wheezing like an old man, muttering 'fuck' under his breath. That was surreal.

Almost as surreal as the time when I saw "Jurassic Park 3", and some little toddler wearing nothing but a diaper ambled around the theatre looking for his mommy. He walked right into a wall, fell on his ass, and cried... well... like a baby. It was hilarious.

God, "JP3" sucked. That baby smashing his face against a wall in a darkened theatre was the best thing about the whole experience. I still recall that memory with a fond smile.

Time to watch "Dexter" and cry.

2012? Sure.

I recently watched Roland Emmerich's delightful apocalyptic romp "2012". I must say, I enjoyed it. It had me laughing like a maniac many times throughout its too-long 2 hours and 40 minutes.

In a nutshell, the movie is a dick. Seriously. The Mad German seems to get much joy out of having Sweet Mother Earth kill a whole bunch of people in an ever-escalating series of catastrophes.

The best example of this occurs when a swingin' Jazz musician played by George Segal, stranded on a cruise ship for the End of Days, decides to call his estranged son to make amends. His soooooo cute granddaughter answers, and it's so fucking schmaltzy you want to punch the world.

She hands the phone off to her daddy, and before poor old Jazz Segal can mutter an insincere "Sorry for abandoning you when you were a young, impressionable kid to play lame jazz covers for retirees", The Mad German Strikes!

Sad-Eyes Segal has to listen while his family dies on the other end of the phone, in horrible, screaming pain.

I laughed. A lot.

Good times.

I Made A Funny?

I've been away.

I lapsed into a deep depression when I realized how meaningless this all is. I'm the only person who reads this blog, and that's just to proof read the damned thing.

This truly is a sad, desolate and lonely corner of the vast Internet.

You know which corner is almost as lonely? My YouTube channel!

Nobody reads this blog, and almost nobody watches my delightfully insipid YouTube videos! So why do I do it? Because what the hell else am I going to do? Something constructive? No thanks.

Far too many people contribute to this diseased society as it is. It's not healthy.

What was I doing, again? Oh yes...

I have uploaded a new photoplay to my YouTube channel. It's called "The Legend of El Seismologist", and it tells the story of a down-on-his-luck wrestler and his struggles with a diabolical ACLU attorney.

It's not funny, and it's not worth your time. But if you stumble across this blog through some misguided Google search and feel compelled to watch it, just look to the right.

My Channel Viewer dwells there, as does a link to my Channel, proper. Watch it, tell me I'm wasting my time... I don't care.

I need to find something to fill this void in my soul.

Maybe more alcohol...