February Spells Tragedy For Doomed Fat Man

The month of February. Some people pronounce it "Febooary", but those people are idiots.

February means that Valentine's Day is fast approaching. This obviously means something to all the boys and girls who have found each other out there in that cold, lonely world.

On this wonderful day, they get the opportunity to buy gratuitously expensive flowers and chocolates and jewelry for each other.

Because if you don't do this, then you are a fucking monster.

I never really saw the point in buying flowers for people. They look pretty for a day or two, then they die. So you get to watch these lovely flowers die slowly in a decorative vase. I don't need another reminder that I am going to die someday.

Demetri Martin said that you should give flowers to people as a threat. That makes sense to me.

Maybe I'm against Valentine's Day because I'm single. Am I bitter because I have nobody to hold onto late at night? Am I depressed because I'm going to die alone and unloved?

That can't be it. I hate Valentine's Day because I'm an asshole.

I also posted a new photoplay on my YouTube channel. Because I'm an asshole.

It's a new month, after all. I try to do this on a semi-regular basis.

I'm like cancer. I keep coming back. You thought you were in remission, but BAM! Here's a brand new shitty photoplay for you to choke on! Relapse!

Anyway, it's called "Card Sharks!" and it's about... well, it's about card sharks. Or card sharps. I mean, this photoplay isn't really about a pair of poker-playing sharks. I wish it were. How awesome would that be?

You know, I've never seen a painting of sharks playing poker. We've all seen the dogs playing poker. I've seen cats, hamsters, aliens, ducks, dead celebrities and guinea pigs playing poker.

I've even seen Freddy Krueger, Jason Vorhees, Leatherface, Michael Myers and Pinhead playing poker together. That was a good one. Never sharks, though. Maybe I should Google "sharks playing poker".

Hold on.

Eh. I couldn't find any sharks playing poker. I did find an image of a shark playing poker with a bunch of other animals. It's not as good, though. If I had any talent, I would paint this image, myself.

The world needs a lame painting of sharks playing poker.

Where was I?

So I posted "Card Sharks!" on my Youtube page. It's about two poker studs who find themselves in the most dangerous game of their lives. It's... odd. But if you like Patsy Cline, then you need to watch it. It will change your life.

You can find it on my Youtube Channel here: http://www.youtube.com/uncleoflies or maybe on this page's embedded viewer on your right. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Watch it, and do whatever it is you people do. I'm going to watch "The Wire".