The Wolfman's Valentine

I saw "The Wolfman" on Valentine's Day with my brother.

"The Wolfman" is a remake of 1941's masterpiece, "The Wolf Man", starring Lon Chaney, Jr.

Now "The Wolf Man" is my favorite of Universal's classic monsters. It has been ever since I saw it at the tender age of 6.

I love all of the classic monsters that were spawned from the loins of Universal Pictures, from 1931's "Dracula" and "Frankenstein", to "Creature From The Black Lagoon" in 1954. There's something amazing about watching these old monster movies.

Even the lesser efforts, like the sequels to "The Mummy" and the mash-ups like "House Of Dracula" and "House Of Frankenstein", manage to hold my interest, reigniting this childlike spark of imagination in my weathered, cynical mind. It's magic.

But out of all of these beloved monsters, "The Wolf Man" remains number one in my heart.

I find no fault in this film. It's easily in my top five favorite movies of all time, and that's never going to change.

There's so much I could say about what makes this film great to me, from the exquisite musical score, the great performances by Lon Chaney, Jr and the great Claude Rains (one of my favorite actors, period.), make-up maestro Jack Pierce's iconic creature design...

But what makes this film perfect to me is its conclusion.

Larry Talbot, bitten by a werewolf and cursed to transform when the full moon rises (which is never actually seen in the film), has desperately tried to convince his father, Sir John Talbot, that he is not delusional. He is a monster, and he must be stopped.

Larry's disbelieving father locks him away inside his estate, leaving to join the organized hunt for the killer wolf the villagers believe is truly behind the murders. Of course we know that Larry isn't delusional, as we watch him transform into the vicious Wolf Man, escaping the estate and roaming the English countryside.

Eventually, Sir John crosses paths with the Wolf Man, and bludgeons the beast to death with a silver wolf's head cane. He then watches in horror as the curse is lifted in death, and the Wolf Man becomes his son, dead at his feet.

I cried my eyes out when this scene unfolded on the 19 inch black and white television in our family's living room on Halloween night, 1989.

Sure, the Wolf Man scared me, but I also knew that he wasn't just a monster. He was a kind and afflicted victim, searching for help, trying to do the right thing when nobody would believe him. He didn't want to hurt anyone. But when the full moon ascended, he had no choice.

And to see his own father end his life in such a brutal manner destroyed me. What truly sells the scene is the expression on the face of Claude Rains when he realizes that he has just killed his own son. It breaks my heart every time.

I could talk about these movies for hours, and I have in the past. But I spare you more pointless remembrances and get to the point of this entry:

Jump ahead 18 years. It's 2007, and I read that Mark Romanek was going to direct a remake of my favorite monster movie. This excited me to no end, because I was a big Mark Romanek fan. I thought h0is big screen debut, "One Hour Photo", was a very effective and visually inventive thriller. Plus, he wrestled a great performance out Robin Williams, which is increasingly rare.

But beyond that, I loved the man's work as a music video director. Creative videos for bands like Audioslave, Sonic Youth, Eels, Jay-Z, Beck and Nine Inch Nails, all leading to his "Citizen Kane": the video for Johnny Cash's cover version of NIN's "Hurt". Nothing else to say about that.

So obviously, I was eagerly anticipating his interpretation of "The Wolf Man".

Then he left the project two weeks before production began due to "creative differences".

Joe Johnston quickly came onboard to pick up the slack. Now Johnston has made some solid films, including "The Rocketeer", which I adore, but I just didn't think he was a fit for a property like this. So I began to worry.

But the brilliant Rick Baker was doing the make-up effects, so I wasn't too worried.

Then the film's release was delayed. Once, then twice. I heard many troubling stories about the production.

Then the rumors concerning the film's final cut began to circulate. It's R-rated! It's PG-13! Two hours long! 88 minutes long! Danny Elfman's score is gone! Wait, it's back in! Legendary film editor Walter Murch has been brought in to "save" this mess of a movie! It's R-rated again!

The worry sat in my stomach like an ulcer. Was this movie doomed? I figured I'd find out when it finally opened.

And then the day came. "The Wolfman" has been unleashed. And it is good.

Not great, mind you. But good.

Joe Johnston did a fine job directing this one. He captured this eerie, gothic aesthetic on film which I absolutely love. I'm a mark for this stuff.

Rick Baker's make-up is great. It captures the essence of Jack Pierce's original work, but it's more visceral, more dangerous. After the Wolfman kills, blood hangs from his jaw in thick tendrils, and Benicio del Toro's eyes really shine through the prosthetics. It's fantastic.

The performances are uniformly good, from del Toro as Talbot to Anthony Hopkins as his loony father, to Emily Blunt as Gwen, the wife of Talbot's late brother. Hugo Weaving shows up to play Inspector Abberline from Scotland Yard.

This is the same real-life Abberline who worked on the infamous "Jack the Ripper" case in Whitechapel in 1888. Weaving revealed in an interview on CHUD.com, my favorite movie website, that the sole reason the Inspector in the film is named Abberline is to mention the Ripper murders.

This feels like a misstep to me, because it comes out during a scene where Abberline interviews Talbot after he has been attacked by a werewolf in a gypsy camp. Abberline basically accuses Talbot of being Jack the Ripper in this scene. He also seems to believe that Talbot may be responsible for the killings at the gypsy camp, which makes absolutely no sense. It completely took me out of the film.

Aside from that, Weaving is fine in the film. I've liked the guy since I saw "The Adventures Of Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert".

Art Malik plays Sir John Talbot's Indian manservant, Singh. He plays Singh behind a grey, mountain man beard and long, wild hair. This made me chuckle for a moment, because as soon as he showed up, he looked like a crazy hermit who just clawed his way out of a deep, dark cave.

It took me a while to recognize him as the main terrorist who got blown up by Arnold Schwarzeneggar in a Harrier jet after he threatened to kill his daughter (and Key West) in James Cameron's 1994 tribute to psychological spousal abuse, "True Lies". Those were simpler times.

The story is substantially different from the 1931 original, but the skeleton of Carl Siodmak's script remains. Larry is a Shakespearean actor, not a mechanic. The werewolf that bites Talbot isn't an afflicted gypsy in this version, it's his own father, who had been infected years before while on a hunting expedition.

Sir John is responsible for the death of Larry's mother when he was a small boy, as well as the recent death of his brother, the reason why Larry returned home in the first place.

Sir John doesn't keep this knowledge from his son for very long, telling him the whole story while his poor boy is locked up in a sanitarium. Larry obviously doesn't take this news very well, swearing to kill his bonkers lycanthrope father, straining against his shackles.

Soon after this, a mass of doctors gather in a lecture hall at the sanitarium to watch the restrained Talbot while his psychiatrist tells them all that when the full moon rises and he does not transform into a monster, that Larry will realize he's merely a delusional killer, and not a fucking werewolf.

Obviously, this plan blows up in the smug doctor's fat face, as Talbot Wolfs Out, tearing out of his restraints. He then proceeds to jump around the lecture hall, shredding all of the self-assured medical pricks, even tearing out one's wet, throbbing liver. Nice.

He leaps out the window, fucks some shit up in downtown London, then wakes up on the bank of the River Thames, covered in blood and filled with shame (and doctor meat).

Talbot returns home to kill his bastard of a father before the full moon rises again. This does not go as planned. Sir John beats the living shit out of his spawn, babbling all the while about the pleasures of the damned, or somesuch nonesense.

Then, the moon rises, and it's time for a fucking showdown.

Wolf Larry and Wolf Sir John duke it out, throwing furniture around, breaking oil lamps, and just generally making a mess. Wolf Larry rabbit kicks Wolf Sir John into the fireplace, and Flaming Blind Wolf Sir John starts flailing about, before Wolf Larry removes his burning head with a swipe of his mighty claw.

RIP, Flaming Blind Wolf Sir John. You will be missed.

Inspector Abberline and Gwen show up, and Abberline tries to shoot Wolf Larry with a silver bullet. Gwen grabs his gun, and the bullet misses. This proves to be a poor turn of events for the Inspector, as Wolf Larry lunges at him, biting his shoulder. Gwen runs away, and Wolf Larry gives chase.

Abberline gets up, grabbing the iconic silver wolf's head cane that Larry left at the estate, stumbling out of the burning building, aiming to cave in the bitey wolf asshole's thick head.

Unfortunately, he never gets this opportunity, because Gwen shoots Wolf Larry in the heart with a silver bullet from Abberline's gun, and he stays alive long enough to tell Gwen that she did what had to be done, before his head lolls back and he shuffles off this mortal coil.

Abberline shambles up to Larry's corpse, holding his bleeding shoulder, staring intently at the full moon. A wolf howls in the distance. Cut to black.

I like to imagine that after this cut to black, Abberline uses the silver wolf's head cane to bludgeon the incredibly stupid Gwen to death for screwing up his clean shot five minutes earlier, and allowing him to get bitten by Wolf Larry, condemning the Inspector to the curse of the wolf.

Honestly, it was just an incredibly bone-headed decision.

Like I said, the movie is good. It feels rushed at times. Some of the sequences don't work particularly well. It needs more time to breathe before the attack on the gypsy camp. We need more time to get to know Larry before he is bitten.

Luckily, it's rumored that the eventual DVD release will include an extended edition, with around 17 minutes of additional footage. I hope this addresses some of my concerns with the film.

I recommend "The Wolfman" to you, Dear Imaginary Reader. You'll have a good, gory time.

One final note: I received a comment regarding my last blog posting, "Why Did I Watch This?!", which recounted my perception of the endless Opening Ceremony to the 21st Winter Olympics.

The author of this comment, "John", actually agreed with me!

Not that the Opening Ceremony was a nightmarishly boring waste of time, but that I was, indeed, a fucking moron for forcing myself to watch the entire ordeal. And he is absolutely right.

So thanks for the feedback, "John", wherever you are!