Charles Bronson died on this date in 2003, and the world has been a poorer place ever since. We here at The Book Of Lies ("we" being me, since I'm the only dude here) have decided to take this opportunity to celebrate the life and career of the baddest motherfucker ever to escape from Ehrenfeld, Pennsylvania with a multi-media extravaganza the likes of which the internet has never seen!
BRONSON-MANIA!!!
We kick things off with the trailer for the coolest movie never made: Killing Hipsters...
Moving on, I present to you my two favorite moments from Bronson's magnum opus, Death Wish IV: The Crackdown. First, vigilante architect Paul Kersey tries to make a sandwich in a swank apartment and gets rudely interrupted when the owner comes home...
Next, a very familiar-looking vintner approaches hitman Danny Trejo with an offer he can't refuse at a lovely Italian restaurant...
And to wrap it up, I present the two-part saga, Top Ten BADD-ASS Bronson Moments In Movie History retrospective from Cinema Cool.
And now, without further delay, I present to you, Dear Imaginary Listener, to the ultimate celebration of the life (and afterlife) of one Charles "Motherfucker" Bronson with the epic podcast, The Charles Bronson Manifesto.
This hour-long journey into the surreal legend of everyone's favorite Lithuanian-American will shock you to your very foundation, if you have the nerves of steel required to survive its length. Make no mistake: this podcast series is not for pussies.
Enjoy at your own risk.
This concludes BRONSON-MANIA!!! I hope you enjoyed this amazing display of the power of Bronson as much as I have. And if you didn't, then you can go right ahead and fuck yourself. Because if you're not down with Charles Bronson, then you're less than human. Go crawling back to your safe, tired "Chuck Norris Facts" and leave the real badass to the people who truly appreciate him.
Other Business
The promised reviews of Horrible Bosses and Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes... aren't coming. I have little to say regarding Horrible Bosses aside from the fact that I enjoyed it. And as for Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes, movie guru Devin Faraci over at Badass Digest wrote a fantastic review that encapsulates my feelings regarding that film, so you'd be better off just reading that one.
I will, however, return to discuss the 3-D remakes of Fright Night & Conan The Barbarian sometime in the near future. So at least you have that to look forward to. And by "you", I mean "me", because you don't exist.
I also changed the sign at the top of the page to celebrate this blog's second anniversary. So that's new. Enjoy it, assholes! Excelsior!!!
The video stuff was okay, but your mega podcast thing was intolerably long. Maybe you should have trimmed all that down to maybe 15 minutes, and it would have actually been funny.
ReplyDeleteI love Charles Bronson as much as the next guy, and I sppreciate what you were trying to do here. But did you have to dwell on such blasphemy? It was completely unnecessary, and actually rather offensive. As a celebration of the life and career of Charles Bronson, you have unfortunately failed. better luck next time.
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