The Funniest Thing You'll See All Day...

Welcome to Wednesday. Give yourself a pat on the back for surviving this long. No, I'm serious. This is a milestone. Every single day you manage not to die in your sleep is a victory. So congratulate yourself for this momentous accomplishment, because you deserve it.

I'm not going anywhere with this, I just think people should stop to appreciate the simple fact that they're still alive every now and again. Is this weird? I know I generally present myself as some kind of hateful pessimist here, which is not far from the truth, so is the sudden optimism above slightly off-putting?

I should clarify my point by saying I'm not congratulating you for your continued survival. I was merely saying that you should feel slightly better about your pathetic and hollow existence because it's still better than the alternative. Unless you're one of those people who thinks they're going to be rewarded for their miserable life with some sort of ethereal paradise after they expire, all because they occasionally remembered to pay lip service to some vague deity and actually bother to slip a few tattered bills into the collection plate once in a blue moon.

In that case, I would tell you to kill yourself in order to receive your just reward all the sooner, but suicide is invariably frowned upon as a sin by organized religion, so I'll just let it be.

Instead, I'll just keep on keepin' on, quietly celebrating every time I wake up. And every morning when I evacuate my bladder in my crumbling bathroom, I imagine I'm pissing in the Grim Reaper's bony face.

This kinda looks like the avatar of death, right?

Podcasts. It's time for another episode of nobody's favorite podcast, Lies My Podcast Told Me. In this edition, entitled The Rainbow Trout Coalition, discussions include carnivals, maid-banging etiquette, horrible choices in headwear, and the controversy swirling around marriages between homosexual fishies.

It's... well, it's a podcast, and I think you should listen to it. But I'm biased, so what do I know?

Chapter 26: The Rainbow Trout Coalition



That's it for now, boys and girls. The siren song of honey-roasted almonds calls to me. Until next we meet...

TIME MARCHES ON!

This is just a thing that happens now.