Sweaty September Stuff

I watched a cricket make his way across my bedroom floor a few days ago. I just sat on my bed and stared at this lonely little insect as he made his way across the vast desert that is my beige carpet. I waited until he disappeared from view and then went about my day, never catching another glimpse of him. It was as if he never even existed, a mere figment of my fevered imagination. He's probably dead now, anyway. The spiders have a tendency to do away with crickets rather quickly around here.

I don't know why I brought this up. I really have nothing to say, but I had to come back in order to provide my two listeners with the latest episode of MURDER PARTY, and it would seem rather strange if I didn't at least attempt to fart out a few paragraphs of pointless text before I embed the damned podcast below. I owe you that much, Erich! I know how much this podcast means to so many people, and I would hate to disappoint anybody. The recent comments on this blog have been almost universally positive, and that warms the very cockles of my heart. I don't know what it is. Maybe there's something in the water, aside from all of the intestinal parasites.

You guys are the best in the business, and this delightfully informative podcast, entitled Under The Pate, is for all of you. The conversation below is all over the place, with such varied topics as those two guys from that show Benson who went on to play aliens in various Star Trek television incarnations, the gut-busting hilarity of Canada's The Kids In The Hall sketch comedy troupe, mud butlers, bourbon, and  unfortunate hairstyles. It's probably the best podcast we've ever recorded, and so much better than that wretched episode of Chris Hardwick's The Nerdist podcast featuring the cast and crew of The Big Bang Theory.

I couldn't make it past maybe twenty-five minutes before I gave up. It's a poorly-recorded conversation between a conglomeration of some of the most painfully unfunny individuals working in Hollywood today. And it was recorded live at the show's Comic-Con panel back in 2011, before a group of people who booed the cast and crew when they failed to get a Doctor Who reference. None of them knew what a TARDIS was. As I've said before, I understand that these people aren't real nerds, and don't understand most of the pop culture references they're making in any given episode of their skid mark of a TV series. You can tell just by watching the actors deliver their lines with the same empty expressions time after time.

Quentin Tarantino has said in various interviews that he works closely with the actors in his films, helping them understand any references they don't understand in their dialogue, so that the actors can then sell that dialogue onscreen. He makes sure to educate his actors on such topics as the phrase "according to Hoyle", so that the actors don't come across as complete fucking frauds when they spout their rapid-fire dialogue in his films. This is one of the reasons why so many critics praise Tarantino's films for their dialogue and performances, and one of the (many) reasons why they deride Kevin Smith's films for their dialogue and performances.

Most of the actors in Kevin Smith's films sound like parrots cluelessly repeating whatever inane drivel Mr. Mallrats manages to tap out on his computer in between bong hits. It's the same problem with the cast of The Big Bang Theory. They sound like fucking poseurs on their own show. I don't care that these actors don't understand that TARDIS is an acronym, standing for "Time And Relative Dimension(s) In Space. I care that they can't believably act like they know what a TARDIS is in their own fucking television program about nerds. It's called ACTING, assholes. Make me believe that you know what the fuck you're talking about. They can't sell anything on this show. I'm not looking for every episode of some multi-camera sit-com on network television to have performances and production value on par with Jackie Brown, but they could try a little harder to reach that lofty plateau of "mediocre". 

It's a fucking travesty that a reedy-voiced twerp like Jim Parsons has won multiple Emmy awards over guys like Louis C.K., Alec Baldwin and Larry David.

According to the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences, Jim fucking Parsons was more compelling in any random episode of The Big Bang Theory than Louis C.K. in any random episode of Louie. It's like the entire world has gone insane.

That was an odd tangent. Anyway:

Chapter 37: Under The Pate



I guess that's it for now. Um... bye?

TIME MARCHES ON!

Stupid fucking spellcheck tries to tell me that "cluelessly" isn't a fucking word. Fuck you, spellcheck!