So this is Christmas. Another year come and gone, and what a state the world is in. Last Christmas, I'll be brutally honest and admit that I was just miserable. On the day itself, I felt hollowed out; empty. I'd never felt that way before at Christmastime. The day just held no more wonder for me, and I couldn't understand why. After the year I'd had in 2019, I just naturally assumed that my near-death experience would lead me to cherish Christmas all the more, to be more mindful of the blessings that surrounded me. But nothing could be further from the truth. I wanted Christmas Day to end the moment it began, and by the time everything was over and done with, I never wanted to hear the word "Christmas" again.
So... has anything changed? After the never-ending existential nightmare that the year 2020 has been, I have found myself enjoying the trappings of the holiday more this time around. I'm cheered by the sight of a house festooned with multi-colored lights blazing in the darkness. I've listened to a little holiday music. I've wrapped a few presents and decorated a few trees. For all I know, Christmas Day itself might end up feeling just as meaningless and empty to me this year as it was last year, but the days and weeks leading up to this Christmas have been more cheerful, more meaningful. And I think I'm okay with that. It's clear to me that this holiday simply doesn't mean what it once did to me.
When I was a child, Christmas was the Alpha and the Omega, the undisputed king of days. I looked forward to it all year, and as I ticked off the days of December on the calendar, my anticipation reached a fever pitch. Christmas meant everything. These days, Christmas means very little to me in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps that's just me getting older. Perhaps I've simply grown too cynical. I'm not sure. But Christmas still means something to me, and right now I'll take what I can get.
Over the past seven years, I've tried to observe Christmas with my Schlock-Mas series of movie reviews, and after all this time, I think I've said more than everything I've ever cared to say about the topic of made-for-TV holiday entertainment. So now I'm hanging up my festive stockings and laying Schlock-Mas to rest with a stake of holly driven through it's withered, blackened heart. It's been a good run, I think. A longer run than I ever anticipated, to be sure. But the truth of the matter is that these movies just keep recycling the same stories and characters and situations over and over again, and I've completely exhausted my ability to tell them apart, much less say anything new or meaningful about them. So after the better part of a decade, Schlock-Mas is officially dead.
I sincerely hope I've managed to entertain some of you with my overlong tirades regarding these mediocre "entertainments" over the years, but I'm finally finished with all of this stuff. What you've been seeing on this blog every December since 2014 is an extended conversation I've been having with myself regarding Christmas as a holiday and what it still means to me through a series of poorly-thought-out reviews of poorly-thought-out movies, and that conversation has simply reached its natural conclusion.
So what
is the conclusion of that conversation? Well, it's a forty minute-long podcast, of course! Hey, you keep Christmas in your way, allow me to keep it in mine. In this, the first (and absolutely the last) holiday spectacular edition of
Trappo's Chap House, I am joined once again by my socially distanced cousin Ky as we discuss all things Christmas. We reminisce over holidays past, examine how we mark the season as adults, and even dream about what the future of Christmas may hold... I also drink half a bottle of apple whiskey throughout the duration of the conversation, because it's delicious and I might have a problem. Have you ever had a really good apple whiskey? Besides, it just ain't Christmas without somebody getting blackout drunk and slipping into incoherent belligerence. Not in my family, at any rate. We all have our traditions, folks. You may sing carols or string garlands of freshly popped popcorn above your fireplaces, but we're a family of functional alcoholics and this is just how we toast the holidays.
So if you're ready to listen to five minutes of festive nonsense before losing interest and moving on to something more emotionally fulfilling, the Chap House is all decked out for the holidays and waiting for you. This shit's on
iTunes. This shit's on
Podomatic. This shit's down below waiting for you to click "play" and make the single biggest mistake of your life.
Chapter 30: An Old Fashioned Chap House Christmas!
That's it for this Christmas. I think we've learned a lot this holiday season, don't you? Actually, I'm not sure if I've learned much of anything, come to think of it. But that's okay. Christmas isn't about learning lessons or any of that bullshit. No, Christmas is about... well, whatever the fuck you want it to be about. That's what I've really learned. It's whatever the hell you want it to be. And it doesn't have to remain set in stone, either. Your Christmas can change as much or as little as you choose. If the same old thing isn't working anymore, just do something different. If your family sucks, don't hang out with them every Christmas. Go see a movie and eat takeout. Stay home and read a book. Take a walk outside and enjoy a moment of quiet solitude. Listen to some heavy metal and fucking thrash on the 25th. Who gives a damn? If it makes you happy, that's Christmas. Here's a quote from one of my favorite episodes of Doctor Who that pretty much sums up my feelings:
Do you know why people get together at Christmas? Because every time they do, it might be the last time. Every Christmas is last Christmas.
Every Christmas is last Christmas. So don't waste it doing something you don't to do, pretending to be somebody you don't want to be. If this wretched year has taught us anything, it's that nothing in this life is guaranteed. Life is nasty, brutish and short, so take a step back on Christmas and ask yourself if what you're doing is going to make you happy. Don't take this time for granted, because we have precious little of it to begin with. Find those moments of happiness, those moments of joy, wherever and whenever you can, because they'll be gone before you know it. Do something today that makes you smile. And cherish that moment when it comes. Then do something that makes somebody else smile. Share that moment of joy with someone who matters to you.
That smile? That joy? That is Christmas. That is the true meaning of this day. A smile is a miracle. Joy is a miracle. And today, we're all miracle workers. I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from the bottom of my heart.
And Merry Christmas Titus, wherever you are.
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