Cinematic Thunderdome, Part Two: The Anniversary

"Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World" is the best movie I've seen this year.

If that's all you wanted to know, Dear Imaginary Reader, then you can navigate away from this page, right now. I'm sure you can find a more constructive means of wasting your time then reading my inane ramblings. But if you're really bored, then join me on a delightfully boring journey into the heart of Hyperbole Town.

I Demand An Inexcusably-Long Plot Summary!

Scott Pilgrim is 23 years old. He lives in Toronto. He's the bass player in a band called Sex Bob-Omb, along with lead guitarist/singer Stephen Stills and drummer/ex-girlfriend Kim Pine. Along for the ride is Young Neill, the band's biggest fan and auxilliary bass player. He's dating a 17 year-old girl named Knives Chau, and she just loves Scott. She's very happy with her relationship. Scott keeps her around because she's a doormat who makes him feel special. He's kind of a dick.

Scott lives with Wallace Wells, and they share a bed. They're not gay. Only Wallace is gay. Scott just doesn't want to sleep on the floor. Scott meets a beautiful young woman in his dreams, and is shocked to discover that this same woman exists in the real world. Her name is Ramona Flowers, and Scott immediately falls head-over-heels in love with her. As he attempts to ooze his way into her life, he neglects to tell poor Knives about any of this.

As I said, he's kind of a dick.

Scott and Ramona start dating. Scott just loves Ramona. Ramona seems to gravitate toward Scott because he's safe, and makes her feel special. Despite his unresolved issues with Knives, Scott is very happy with his blossoming relationship with Ramona. Until he realizes that her Seven Evil Exes are all coming for Scott Pilgrim, and they all want his blood.

Evil Ex #1: Matthew Patel

Sex Bob-Omb is competing in a battle of the bands against a very angry group called Crash And The Boys. Knives and Ramona are both in attendance. Neither girl knows that they are both dating Scott (dick!). The party is crashed by our first evil ex: Matt Patel, who briefly dated Ramona back in high school, and has been obsessed with her, ever since.

After a brief Bollywood-style dance number in which Crash And The Boys are incinerated, the first boss battle begins. At first clueless as to exactly why he is being forced to fight Patel, Scott quickly proves that he has some serious skills and defeats his opponent, rendering the evil ex into a small pile of loose change.

After the fight's conclusion, Ramona levels with Scott, telling him that if he wants to date her, he will have to defeat seven of her former lovers, a.k.a. The League Of Evil Exes. Scott is concerned, but after he makes out with Ramona he's surprisingly okay with the situation. Poor Knives, who fainted earlier, wakes up at the now-deserted club, all alone (dick!).

Evil Ex #2: Lucas Lee

Wallace has a crush on Hollywood action movie icon Lucas Lee. Lucas Lee happens to be shooting a new movie in Toronto. He drags Scott along to the set for the opportunity to meet this amazing actor. Holy cow, Scott finds out that Lucas Lee is Ramona's second evil ex when he picks the young lad up and tosses him into a castle. Not a good start.

Quickly recovering from this embarassing interlude, Scott finds himself engaged in mortal combat with Mr. Lee's clone-ish stunt doubles. Knowing that he probably can't defeat Lee in hand-to-hand combat, Scott uses his noggin and tricks the super-powerful yet narcissistic Lucas Lee into performing a death-defying skateboard stunt by questioning his manhood. Lee wipes out, blows the fuck up, and scatters into coins on the snowy streets of Toronto.

Evil Ex #3: Todd Ingram

Todd Ingram used to date Ramona. He's also the bass player for the hot new band The Clash At Demonhead, and they're performing in town. The band's singer, Envy Adams, who is currently dating Todd, used to date Scott before her band blew up. Then she dumped him like a bad habit. This is a very awkward situation.

Todd Ingram is also a Vegan. Being a Vegan grants him amazing psychic abilities. Todd Ingram is scary. After Todd punches Knives in the face, knocking the blue highlights out of her hair, Scott gets pissed off and challenges the man to a Bass Battle. Todd handily defeats Scott, then adds injury to insult via a psychic assault, launching our hero through a series of very solid walls.

Scott Pilgrim can't possibly hope to win against this... superman. Instead, he tricks Todd into drinking a cup of coffee with real milk as opposed to Vegan-friendly soy milk. The Vegan Police immediately show up, chastising Todd for breaking the Vegan code, using what I can only assume is a Kryptonite Ray to strip him of his Vegan powers.

Scott takes advantage of his opponent's weakened state, headbutting Todd Ingram into a healthy dose of arcade fuel.

Evil Ex #4: Roxy Richter

An exhausted Scott turns to the booze, and starts arguing with Ramona. Before Scott can even begin to enjoy his buzz, Ramona's disenfranchised former lover Roxy Richter comes along to destroy him. A fed-up Ramona decides to nut-up and take Roxy on herself, producing a massive sledgehammer from her purse.

Scott wants to sit this one out, because he's rather watch two attractive women fight over him. Unfortunately, "the rules" state that Scott must defeat all of Ramona's evil exes himself. So Ramona grabs her boyfriend and uses him as her own personal street-fighting marionette.

Scott finally ends the Roxy Richter threat thanks to Ramona, who tells him about the special little part of her anatomy that, when stimulated, drives her absolutely crazy. Roxy promptly orgasms into oblivion. This is awesome.

Evil Exes #5 & #6: The Katayangi Twins

Increasingly frustrated with Ramona's homicidal baggage, Scott and his band face off against the apparently mute DJs/Wizards the Katayangi Twins, jilted by Ramona when they each realized that she was dating them both at the same time. Sex Bob-Omb and the twins duel, get spanked by magic trance music dragons, then summon the power of rock and roll to finally annihilate the techno sorcerers in grand fashion. Scott earns a well-deserved extra life for his trouble.

But all is not well in the world, my friends. For it seems that in the five minutes it took Scott to slay exes 5 and 6, Ramona has gotten back together with her old flame, Mr. Gideon Graves, a.k.a. Evil Ex Number 7. Gideon is a big-time record producer, and wants to sign Sex Bob-Omb to play at his brand new club, the super-sleek Chaos Theatre. Scott's bandmates jump at the chance, and a disgusted Scott resigns from Sex Bob-Omb, allowing pal Young Neill to take his place in the band.

Scott tries to convince Ramona to come with him, but alas, she is under Gideon's control via a convenient chip imbedded in the base of her skull. As a triumphant Gideon Graves pulls away with Ramona in a swank limo, poor Scott Pilgrim is at his lowest point. He's still a dick, but I feel bad for him.

Evil Ex #7: Gideon Graves

A defiant Scott arrives at the Chaos Theatre, professing his undying love for Ramona. A flaming sword appears jammed in Scott's chest. As he pulls it out, Bill Hader's voice announces that Scott Pilgrim has gained the Power Of Love!!! Scott and Gideon get into it. A jilted Knives arrives to challenge Ramona to a fight to the death. Scott tries to break up the cat fight, but Gideon takes advantage of his distracted opponent, slaying our hero with gusto.

But wait! Scott wakes up in limbo, and has a touching conversation with Ramona. He realizes that with the way he treated not only Knives but his old girlfriend Kim, he's kind of a dick. Hell, he may be well on his way to inadvertantly creating his own League Of Evil Exes. Perhaps Scott's been fighting for the wrong reasons. Cashing in his extra life, Scott returns to the Chaos Theatre to replay his battle with Gideon.

This time around, Scott makes amends with his former band, telling Kim that he's sorry for being such a dick, and praising Young Neill as a better bass player than he could ever be. He tells Knives that she deserves better, and retrieves a brand new flaming sword from his chest cavity as Bill Hader announces that Scott Pilgrim has gained the Power Of Self-Respect!!!

Destroying Gideon's henchmen as Sex Bob-Omb plays a jaunty tune, Scott's on a roll. With a little help from Ramona and Knives, Scott defeats Gideon Graves, who erupts into a deluge of coins.

Bonus Villain: Nega Scott Pilgrim

But Gideon has one last trick up his sleeve, as his disembodied voice asks the question: can Scott Pilgrim possibly hope to defeat his terrifying alter-ego? Enter Nega Scott Pilgrim, our hero's sinister mirror image, vaguely transparent, slate grey, with glowing red eyes. Holy shit. Our boy is doomed.

Not really, though. Moments later, Scott and his doppleganger walk out of the Chaos Theatre together, laughing it up, making plans for brunch later in the week. It turns out those two have a lot in common.

And They All Lived... Ever After

Ramona realizes after seeing how badly she fucked over her seven exes that she needs to take a step back and rethink some shit. She decides to skip town in an effort to start over, to become a better person, herself. Knives realizes that Scott's still madly in love with Ramona, and forgives him for being a douche, telling him to go live his life.

So Scott chooses to join Ramona on her journey, hoping that perhaps the two of them could start over together. They step into a free-standing doorway in the middle of the road, to parts unknown.

That Was Dull. What Else Have You Got?

Nothing I can say could possibly do this film justice. Director Edgar Wright has managed to make one of the most energetic, entertaining, out-of-its-mind movies I have ever seen. The movie is dripping with such energy, I wondered if the auditorium's projector would overheat. It's impossible to describe the things that happen in this film on a blog. The whole endeavor is so creative that I walked out of the theatre with a big, goofy smile on my face.

The various methods that Scott employs to defeat Ramona's evil exes are inventive, and keep the "fight scenes" from getting stale and repetitive. A bass guitar duel? Death-by-orgasm? Defeated by the power of self-respect? Abso-fucking-lutely!

The Todd Ingram fight, in particular, sent both me and my cousin Ky into a fit of hysterical laughter. After Scott tricks Todd into drinking milk (a Vegan no-no), the fucking Vegan Police show up. The Vegan Police are played by Thomas Jane and Clifton Collins, Jr. We're both big fans of these two actors, and seeing them pop up seemingly at random was absolutely hilarious.

And when they depart with a slow motion high five and a hearty "Yeah!", I laughed so hard that I cried. The whole situation was insane. I was left wondering how this could happen. How did this movie get made? I don't know, but I'm grateful.

During the confrontation with Lucas Lee, the very instant that Lee calls for his skateboard, Scott's pal Wallace pops up like Johnny-on-the-spot, skateboard in hand. It's such a small, yet perfect moment that still sticks with me.

The random comedy moments are all gold, as well: An out-of-nowhere "Seinfeld" homage, complete with laugh track, between Scott and Wallace. The fact that a random party goer recognizes a haphazard, unintelligible scribble on a sheet of paper as a picture of Ramona. Kim's not-too-subtle contempt for ex-boyfriend Scott, relayed with nothing more than her piercing gaze and the occassional remark like "if your life had a face, I would punch it". Scott's amazing disappearing hat. His love of garlic bread.

The actors are great across the board. I honestly can't think of a single performance that doesn't work. Michael Cera is fantastic as Scott, displaying great comic timing, believable anger, and a fine talent for fight choreography. Mary Elizabeth Winstead plays Ramona as detached, not ready to fall in love again, but she gradually softens as she allows Scott's charms to wear her down.

Ellen Wong is some kind of a revelation as Knives Chau. She's just so exuberant that you can't help but fall in love with her. When the movie ended, part of me was disappointed that Scott chose Ramona over Knives. Hopefully this leads to bigger and better things for Ellen Wong, because I can't wait to see her in another movie.

The actors who play the Evil Exes are all perfectly suited to their roles. Brandon Routh and Jason Schwartzman are the big stand-outs, though. Todd Ingram is supremely confident, but also incredibly dense, and Routh shows a surprising amount of talent in the role. Surprising to me, at least, because I thought he was terrible in "Superman Returns". Here, he's one of the highlights in an already amazing movie.

And the great Jason Schwartzman plays Gideon Graves as supremely confident, a fellow who lulls you into a false sense of security with his mild voice and winning smile, before he tears out your soul and stomps on it with his designer shoes. When his fight with Scott goes south, he transforms into a petulant child, throwing a temper tantrum because all of his hard work gathering the League Of Evil Exes has fallen apart. It's a pretty damned good performance, considering his role is relatively small, but his shadow looms over the entire film.

But Kieran Culkin is something else in this movie. Wallace Wells may be the funniest character in the whole film. And it's all thanks to Culkin's pitch-perfect performance. He's just effortlessly funny. I never really thought much of him in the past, although I did enjoy "Igby Goes Down". That's all changed, now. He just needs the right director to properly utilize his skills.

This film is filled with inventive special effects, clever split-screen moments, and amazing integration of classic video game and motion picture musical cues. The heightened reality of the material is matched perfectly by the amazing cast. And the songs are great. I must buy the official soundtrack, just so I can hear "We Are Sex Bob-Omb" again.

The audience in our screening was loving the movie nearly as much as we were. But I've read reviews that complain that the movie doesn't make sense. "Why does he have to actually fight Ramona's Exes? Why does nobody care when they see people get murdered in plain sight? Get off my lawn!" Who gives a shit?

This movie does makes no attempt to trick you into believing that it takes place in a realistic world. This is a world where a 23 year-old slacker can fight like a Kung-Fu master, Vegans have superpowers, and when people die, they turn into coins. It's not reality. It's a fucking movie. I only wish that more directors would realize that you can actually do things in movies that are impossible in reality. Embrace the medium, dammit!

Some people probably have issues with the film's conclusion. They may get pissed off when Scott chooses Ramona over Knives. "Has he learned nothing?!", they might say. I think that's the point. Over the course of the film, Scott has had to come to terms with his past. He realizes that he's been a childish, petty person.

When he rises from the dead to fight Gideon the second time, he owns up to his past and fights not for Ramona, but for himself. He's finally ready to grow up. And part of growing up is making mistakes, and living with them. Will his relationship with Ramona survive? Maybe, maybe not.

Either way, he's going into that relationship as an adult, and he is finally ready to face the consequences of his actions. That's a pretty fucking good ending, as far as I'm concerned.

I love Edgar Wright's previous work. Loooove it. "Spaced" is one of the best television shows ever made. It just is. "Shaun Of The Dead" and "Hot Fuzz" are two of the best comedies you could ever see. But "Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World" transcends Wright's previous work, at least for me. This film just worked for me on every level. As I left the theatre, my feet weren't even touching the ground. Ky turned to me and said "That was just about the best movie I've ever seen". Hyperbolic, maybe. But it's still an amazing movie.

Watching the movie, I was reminded of Brian dePalma's "Phantom Of The Paradise", perhaps my favorite film of all-time. Both films are kindred spirits. They don't care about realism. They both feature some great music. And they're both completely fucking insane. I know that Edgar Wright is also a huge fan of that film, and I could see that love onscreen. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then do something about it. It's cheap, and you won't regret the purchase.

And if you do, then I don't want to know you.

As I said before, my limited vocabulary can't possibly do this film justice. If you stumble across this blog and haven't seen "Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World", you need to rectify that immediately. It's an absolutely amazing film, and you owe it to yourself to see it. It will make you a better person.

It's A Celebration!

On this day, August 26th, I celebrate my blog's first anniversary. Yes, The Book Of Lies is one year old. In the past year, I've made 96 posts, and perhaps only 3 of them have any real merit. But that's okay, not everything everybody writes can be great. I mean, have you ever read a Dean Koontz book? He wrote maybe 4 decent books in his life, and nothing worthwhile in 20 years, yet the guy's insanely popular.

And who is he trying to fool with his amazing head of hair? We all know you're fucking bald. I have copies of his older books, where he's clearly losing his hair at an alarming rate, and his moustache-blighted face is a mask of misery. Now his dustjackets are adorned with the smiling visage of a fumbling trickster with a full head of hair. You can't erase your past, asshole! And you can't erase "The Husband", either.

Man, I fucking hate Dean Koontz.

Anyway, I marked this momentous occassion by changing the header image on my front page. That's it. I would have done more, but I'm an apathetic slug. You're welcome.