A Very Nihilistic Kweznuz - Day 3

Nearly every time I sign in and decide to make a new post on this blog, I stare at the blank screen for a time. Usually only a few moments, but there are a few occasions when I stare at the digital emptiness for several minutes, wondering what exactly I am supposed to type.

During these bleak moments, I am immediately reminded of the truly underrated motion picture, Throw Momma From The Train. Billy Crystal's character is trying to write a new book, a follow-up to the work his vindictive ex-wife stole and published under her own name. But he just can't get started. He can't write that first line.

"The night was..."

Cloudy? Humid? Moist? Sultry? He can't figure out how to start his story. That's how it feels every time I begin a new blog entry. Granted, I'm not writing a novel, here. I'm just trying to kill a little time in between crying jags. But I know how Billy Crystal feels.

Mostly, I just want to watch Throw Momma From The Train again. But that's nothing new. I love that damned movie. What does that have to do with Christmas? Absolutely nothing, but this is my blog, and I can talk about whatever the hell I please. This is how I break the writer's block. Has it all become clear? No? Then I'll move on.

Christmas! It's almost here! The most wonderful time of the year, as I have been reminded time and time again by various dead musicians.

I'm not a religious individual, but I'm cool with Christmas. Mostly because, historically speaking, Jesus Christ has fuck-all to do with the holiday. This is just another example of Christians co-opting another pagan festival in an effort to make the "godless heathens" join the cool club or die in an apocalyptic orgy of blood and pain.

It's very interesting to see how Santa Claus has become the de facto face of the holiday over the last 150-odd years, replacing the religious iconography for so many families. There has been a big push among religious fundamentalists in recent years to "Put Christ back in Christmas", and to "remember the reason for the season". Nevermind the fact that Christ really has no place in Christmas to begin with.

At its heart, what we now call "Christmas" is nothing more than a pretty new name for any number of pagan festivals commemorating the winter solstice, whether it be Dies Natalis Solis Invicti, Saturnalia, or Yule, the point was always the same: to gather together during the darkest, coldest days of the year and celebrate life in the face of death. Eat, drink, sing, make merry, and drive away the darkness.

We need to bring back The Wild Hunt.

The almost entirely American addition of Santa Claus, himself an extrapolation of various European gift-giving entities, is really just an example of returning Christmas to its true roots. Santa Claus has become the new patron of the winter solstice festival, supplanting such figures as Sol Invictus, Saturn, and Woden.

And maybe even Jesus Christ, if you take a look around. It's only fitting, really. And it fills my heart with joy.

Where is your God now?!

Now, in an attempt to fulfill my court-mandated entertainment quotient, I present you with a delightful video entertainment from popular comedy website That Guy With The Glasses. If you've never visited that particular corner of the internet, then you are missing some... well, some funny, funny stuff, let me tell ya.

This particular video is a combined effort from website founder Doug Walker (in his "Nostalgia Critic" persona) and my personal internet hero Phelan Porteous. These two very funny gentlemen have joined forces to critique the 1988 cult classic Child's Play, featuring everybody's favorite killer doll, Charles Lee Ray.

The embedded video lies below for your enjoyment.




Don't forget to come back tomorrow for more... stuff. You should know by now that I have no plans, and that I'm really just making this up as I go along. So who knows what tomorrow will bring?

I sure as hell don't.