Caviar: A Love Story

Damn, kids. It's been a bit of a struggle getting to this point tonight.

I had originally planned to get the 6th installment of my new podcast up on the web early this morning, but my computer crashed, preventing me from uploading the damned thing. Several hours ago, I got everything up and running and set about my task. Unfortunately, the file I uploaded to PodOmatic was corrupted and unlistenable. That will teach me to engage in more thorough quality control in the future.

An hour later, the new, crystal-clear podcast is live and available for your listening pleasure. That's right. Chapter 6 is here! But before I unleash the beast on this blog, I feel I should highlight the previous installments for a moment.

Since my last post went live on Saturday, I've received seven emails from new listeners. Seven. That's a pretty big deal for me. The most I've received for any previous podcast was back in August, 2011. This particular podcast dealt primarily with the topic of late-term abortion in a (some would say) inappropriately humorous manner.

I ended up receiving five very, very negative emails for that podcast. Two of them were death threats. One of them kindly suggested that some unethical physician should perform a late-term abortion on myself. That's heart-warming stuff, and I appreciated that.

But abortion is a hot-button issue, and it's to be expected.

This new podcast, on the other hand... I didn't expect this sort of reaction. To be fair, I didn't expect any real reaction. But the last several months have seen a small uptick in visitors to the blog, and the topic of my previous podcast has apparently attracted a few new listeners. Namely latex fetishists.

So welcome, latex fetishists!

Very welcome...

And most surprisingly, not a single one of the seven emails I have received has been negative. On the contrary, these sick bastards seem to be fully supportive of my "latex hooker planet" afterlife concept. And that puts a smile on my face. It seems I may have finally found my target audience.

Good news!

But for the rest of you, there's no need to panic. This isn't going to become a latex fetish blog. I have no interest in limiting myself in such a manner. But I am taking this opportunity to embrace my latex-clad brothers (and sister!) in a moment of peace and understanding. But I must also take note of something else.

Chapter 5: Latex Hooker Planet is the clear winner in terms of audience, but please don't forsake Chapter 4: Less Wess Land Lubbers. It's also very funny, and well worth your time. There's nary a mention of latex in its eight minutes and fifteen seconds runtime, but it's not completely worthless. So give it a listen, ladies and gentlemen. You won't regret it.

Well... you may very well regret it, but you won't know until you listen.

New business!

The much-anticipated return to the regularly-scheduled Lies My Podcast Told Me has begun.

Unrelated. But peaceful.

Below, you will discover Chapter 6: The Ballad Of Pell The Smellbow.

This... this is a weird one. I know what you're thinking, and yes, every episode of this podcast is weird. I am nothing if not consistent in that regard. But something about this episode sets it apart.

Have you ever seen a movie like Splash or The Little Mermaid and wondered how a sexual relationship between a human being and a mermaid would actually work? Wonder no more! That's right, we here at Lies My Podcast Told Me have gone where no other podcast dares to go.

This is hard-hitting shit.

On top of that, the topic of witchcraft is heavily discussed. Don't get your knickers in a twist, Wiccans. That's not the kind of witchcraft we're talking about. No, we're talking about the real deal. Casting spells, curses, hexes, that sort of thing. Real nightmare fuel.
It's all in the name of delightful info-tainment!

So settle in, kiddies, and let the dulcet tones of two drunken weirdos soothe your savage soul in Chapter 6: The Ballad Of Pell The Smellbow:




That's it for now. Join me in two weeks for the next startling installment of Lies My Podcast Told Me, and in the interim I might throw up a new movie review or something. I'm playing it fast and loose, so I have no real idea what's coming next.

Unrelated? You make the call!

It's more fun that way.