World's Dullest

Big stuff went down over the weekend in San Diego. The nerd-sphere had a collective orgasm after the surprise announcement that Warner Bros. is prepping a Superman/Batman team-up movie to serve as a sequel to the recently-released Man Of Steel. This is surely a sign that the studio has nothing but the utmost confidence in this re-invigorated franchise, and not a sign of panic or desperation in a world where Marvel Studios has made them look like chumps for several years running.

Well-read nerds will point to the precedent of writer/artist John Byrne's Man Of Steel mini-series, which re-booted Superman as a character in a post-Crisis On Infinite Earths continuity. Batman pops up as a semi-adversary in issue #3, making him an integral part of the post-Crisis Superman's origin, they will say. This could translate very well to a cinematic Man Of Steel sequel, introducing Batman into this new continuity as a lead-in to a Justice League movie a few years later, they will say. And they're not necessarily wrong, but this just feels like such a mistake.

Also a mistake: that hairstyle. What were they thinking?

The studio knows that only Batman has been a safe box office bet in recent memory, and the very good-but-not-amazing performance of the very expensive Man Of Steel has made some suits nervous. So they're going to shoehorn a new Batman into the next Superman movie, because people like Batman and will surely pay a lot more money if he's in this movie, too. It feels cynical and desperate.

Despite the river of fanboy tears that will surely flow, there's no way Christian Bale is coming back to play Batman. This makes many sad, because many are deluded fools who adore Bale's drab and uninspiring performances in Christopher Nolan's humorless Dark Knight trilogy, and would love nothing more than to see the master return to his greatest role. But this is the only bit of news that gives me any real spark of enthusiasm for the announced film. I want to see somebody else play Batman, somebody who can provide the Caped Crusader with something resembling a personality.

Great Batman, or GREATEST Batman?

A new characterization for Batman would be a breath of fresh air. But I doubt things will be much different, because Nolan's still going to executive produce the film, and David Goyer's still going to write it. I'm so sick and tired of this brain-trust's interpretation of iconic DC superheroes. There's no joy in these stories, no mirth or laughter. It's so grim and morose and dark and self-serious. But Warner Bros. is committed to these clowns, and things aren't going to change any time soon.

I understand I'm in the minority on this, and I've come to terms with it. The fun and exciting superhero movies are out there, and I've got Marvel Studios to thank for that. If you haven't rage-closed this window yet, then perhaps you'd be interested in hearing two drunk dudes talk about this news in podcast-form? Seven minutes and thirty four seconds of negativity lies directly below for your entertainment in the latest episode of Celluloid Cellar:

Celluloid Cellar: Superman/Batman



That's it for now. Until next we meet...

TIME MARCHES ON!

I don't know what this is. I don't want to know what this is.