A Song Of Ice & More Ice

I've been drinking some smooth 90 proof bourbon for a few hours, and I'm pretty drunk. It's very late as I type this, and the world outside my bunker is covered in a thick blanket of snow. The air is crisp and clean, and the sky is clear, revealing a multitude of twinkling stars suspended in the inky void. It is truly beautiful to behold. Most people don't care for the splendor  and majesty of winter, and those people are fools. You can't escape this mindset in your day-to-day life, and it spreads through social media like a virus. "I can't wait for summer to get here! Old Man Winter can hit the bricks!" It makes me sick.

Summer is a seemingly endless parade of heat and insects and misery. Few things upset me more than the smell of freshly cut grass. But I'm in the minority. Winter is just in my blood, and I can feel it slipping through my fingers with every passing moment. The days are getting longer, and despite outward appearances, the green plague of springtime is creeping up on me like Jason Voorhees, ready to strike me down with one mighty blow.

Everything has its time and place, and I've come to begrudgingly accept this, but that doesn't mean I'll ever like it.

So here's the thing: last week, I get together with my cousin Ky, and we decided to play a little game. Not just any game, mind you, but the ultimate game. Yes, dear friends, I am talking about the According To Professor Hoyle TV Trivia Game, Series 2, manufactured in 1982, the year of my birth. Having absolutely no familiarity with this particular card-based trivia game, we decided we should drink a lot of whiskey and play the damned thing. Over the course of ten rounds and nearly two hours, we battled back and forth for ultimate television trivia supremacy, becoming increasingly impaired due to the aforementioned consumption of distilled spirits, and the entire ordeal has been captured in podcast form, for your enjoyment.

That's right, the next ten chapters of everybody's favorite gardening-related podcast, Drown The World With Dick Blood, are devoted entirely to our increasingly-incoherent trivia duel, and if I may say so, you are in for a treat! So here they are, I guess, the first two installments of a ten-part series that nobody will ever listen to in its entirety. Fuck:

Chapter 54: TV Trivia Death Match, Part One




Chapter 55: TV Trivia Death Match, Part Two



My drinking has now made it somewhat difficult for me to actually see what I'm typing, so that means it's time for me to bid you adieu, Dear Imaginary Reader. In a few minutes, I'll probably be passed out on the carpet, the soundtrack to The Last Starfighter sending me off to dreamland on wings of sweet, sweet booze. Until next we meet...

TIME MARCHES ON!

Get used to it, boys and girls!