Dig Your Own Grave (Some Assembly Required)

It's Wednesday once again. That means it's time for me to shove two more terrible television trivia podcasts down your quivering ear throats. Isn't that exciting? Look, I know this whole series has been kind of a bust, and I'll be totally honest with you when I say it's not going to get any better before it wraps up in two weeks. But I've committed myself to this task, and I intend to see it through to the end, even if it kills me. Or you. Preferably you.

But if you do have to die, try not to shuffle off this mortal coil until you've listened to all ten parts of this spectacular failure of a podcast series. I think it counts as an act of contrition, in case you're worried about getting into Heaven. And it's tax deductible! Okay, that last part was an outright lie, but it sure sounded good, didn't it? We all know there is no Heaven, after all, and taxes are a figment of our collective imagination. The IRS is nothing more than an elaborate mass hallucination, much like the rest of our precarious existence. Our five senses are a powerful drug, and we're all tripping balls 24/7! Hell, if you could see the world the way I see it when I'm not wearing my glasses, you'd feel like you were high as a kite, too.

I'm sick and tired of all these stupid people. Am I alone on this? What is it with all of these stupid fucking people? They're on our televisions constantly, pissing and shitting into our eyes and ears with their endless editorializing and propagandizing, trying to tell us how to think and feel when they can scarcely do either without their own corporate masters tugging on their leash, ordering them to do as they're told. They'll call themselves "liberals" or "conservatives" or "men (women) of the people", but they're just puppets, man. They're just chubby little puppets, counting their money and smelling their own farts while they lead the gullible public over a fucking cliff, like some deranged new variation of the Piped Piper of Hamelin.

It's enough to make a man give up and listen to a really shitty trivia podcast. So why don't you join me in listening to a few shitty trivia podcasts? Below, you'll find the fifth and sixth rounds of our ultimate battle for pointless television trivia supremacy, and I promise we won't insult your intelligence any more than listening to that feeble-minded magpie Glenn Beck for a few minutes.

Trivia can be your friend:

Chapter 58: TV Trivia Death Match, Part Five



Chapter 59: TV Trivia Death Match, Part Six



That's all I've got for you this week. I'll be back next Wednesday with the next two chapters of this farce. Unless I drop dead. Fuck.

TIME MARCHES ON!