Nothing Ever Ends...

Here we are. We've finally made it to the final week of this pointless exercise in podcasting. It's been a long road, kids... or at least it feels like it's been a long road. It seems like only yesterday I was sitting in a cramped, subterranean bedroom with my cousin, passing around several bottles of sweet, sweet bourbon and barking pointless antiquated television trivia questions at each other in an effort to provide you, our theoretical listeners, with something a little bit different. And now the final two rounds of our epic trivia struggle lie below, waiting for you to ignore, just like the previous eight rounds of our epic trivia struggle. -

"Epic Struggle". Who am I kidding? It's not like any of this really matters, considering how fleeting our existence truly is. We could all be incinerated at any moment in a nuclear holocaust, and there's absolutely nothing we can do about it. That's a sobering thought. Although that reminds me of something that's always really fucking annoyed me: the proper pronunciation of the word "nuclear".

It's not difficult. Nu-Cle-Ar. Three lousy syllables, and yet this is utterly lost on so many people. These drooling cretins insist on pronouncing the word "new-kyu-ler", despite the simple act of looking at the word itself should tell you that this is an incorrect pronunciation. Where does the "kyu" sound come from? Look at the word: NUCLEAR. Where the fuck does the fucking "kyu" sound exist in that fucking word? This is mystifying to me. How do look at the word "nuclear" and dare to pronounce it "new-kyu-ler"? It makes you sound like a goddamned simpleton.

Holy cow! Look at those leg warmers!

I don't give a flying fuck how intelligent you truly are, if you mispronounce the word "nuclear" you sound like a fucking fool. Former American President George W. Bush insisted on using the word "new-kyu-ler", and since he already looked like a fucking brain-damaged chimpanzee before he opened his quivering mouth, this unfortunate verbal problem didn't help the man look any more intelligent in the public eye. Although in retrospect, the whole "nuclear/new-kyu-ler" thing was probably the least of that man's problems.

Gene Hackman, portraying supposed "criminal genius" Lex Luthor in Superman IV: The Quest For Peace, couldn't properly pronounce the name of his own creation, the terrifying mulleted Nuclear Man, he with the deadly press-on fingernails. But once again, in retrospect that was probably the least of the film's problems.

I guess I just don't understand how any native English speaking person could mispronounce the word "nuclear" when the proper pronunciation is essentially self-explanatory. Look at the word. It's not a fucking trick. There's no hidden letter q in there somewhere, waiting for you to find it. Take the word "new" and the word "clear" and shove them together. What do you get? NUCLEAR. If you don't properly pronounce the word, then I fucking hate you. You're the scum of the earth, and you don't deserve to live. So do yourself a favor, pull your head out of your ass, and stop talking like fucking hicks.

STOP.

Anyway, I got this podcast thing I have to get to, so if you'll excuse me, a quick explanation is in order. If you have been listening to our recent TV Trivia Death Match podcast series, you may have noticed that both myself and my dear cousin Ky are becoming less... let's say coherent... as the series progresses. This is because throughout the recording, we were both drinking fairly heavily, and around the fifth or sixth round, the drink began to take its toll.

The conclusion to the tenth and final installment of this podcast series, you may notice, ends without a clear winner being announced. This is because the moment the tenth podcast ends is the moment Ky fell backwards out of his chair, knocking over our camera and terminating the recording. Everything after that moment is lost, because at that point we were both literally blackout drunk. I even lost the sheet of paper I used to keep score, so I'm not sure how many points we each ended up with at the end of the night.

Speaking last weekend, we both agreed that despite the recording terminating before the end of the game, I probably ended up winning, although the victory feels hollow, because I can't remember it. But I guess they say it's all about the journey and not the destination, right? So if you were sticking around, hoping for a satisfying conclusion to this fiasco, then I'm afraid you're in for a rude awakening. But honestly, was anybody expecting a satisfying conclusion to this? If you were, then I feel sorry for you.

So... here it is... yeah... whatever...

Chapter 62: TV Trivia Death Match, Part Nine



Chapter 63: TV Trivia Death Match, Part Ten



I don't know what's coming next. But anything has to be better than this.

TIME MARCHES ON... AND ON... AND ON...