There's a change in the air. When you step outside, you can feel it like an electric charge on your skin. The leaves on the trees are changing colors, drying up and falling to the ground. The north wind brings a fresh chill with it today, a soft caress on your cheek as you wander about in the golden, late afternoon sun.
Autumn, at long last, has arrived.
Since it's officially October, that means it's Halloween! I know the calendar claims that Halloween isn't until the 31st, but fuck all that noise. If Christmas can bloat and swell across two months like some greedy, morbidly obese yuletide slug, then Halloween, the superior holiday, can at least have the entire month of October. Fair is fair. So Happy Halloween, boils and ghouls! I know things are going to be a lot different for many of us this spooky season thanks to circumstances that are out of our control, but we can still celebrate. We can still make merry. There are plenty of ways to celebrate Halloween that don't involve directly interacting with other people. Trust me, I know all about that stuff.
For example: you can sneak into your neighborhood graveyard after dark and dig up a corpse. You can use the bones for decorations. And if you're really lucky, maybe said bones will cause a vengeful spirit to haunt your house since you desecrated their grave, and what says "Halloween" more than a good old fashioned haunting? Ghosts can't catch COVID-19. That's just science.
Of course, you could also carve Jack-O'-Lanterns alone, if you were so inclined. It may not be as treacherous or profane an activity as grave robbing, but you could always slip with the knife and cut yourself, and a minor blood sacrifice is never frowned upon by the dark gods that wait patiently on the other side of the veil for that most holy of nights when they can cross over into the realm of the living and - - Perhaps I've said too much.
My point is there are a ton of things we can do to mark this most wondrous of holidays that don't involve carelessly spreading a deadly virus around our communities. Like podcasts. Podcasts might just be the single safest way to celebrate Halloween. You don't have to leave your house. You don't have to interact with a single living soul. All you have to do is press play and you're suddenly transported to a magical world of mirth and frivolity, a world where anything is possible. It's just like the golden age of radio, when families would crowd around the glowing dial of their wood-paneled noise machines, close their eyes, and drift away into the endless realm of imagination. Only these days we really shouldn't be crowding around anything, not even with people we supposedly trust. And instead of the dulcet tones of Orson Welles or Vincent Price filling your ears with tales of the macabre, it's just a pair of doofuses slowly getting drunk and telling each other lame stories about how much they love Halloween.
Yes, I'm talking about the latest episode of Trappo's Chap House, which is actually the first chapter in a four part holiday saga named Trappo's SPOOK House!. This is very exciting stuff, folks. I hope you understand just how truly amazing this podcast is. It's a four-part Halloween podcast. Nobody's ever done this before in the history of podcasts. Four parts? Until today, everybody thought the idea of a four-part Halloween podcast was pure madness. Surely nobody would ever be brave or foolish enough to attempt such a feat? I'm here to tell you that not only has this feat been attempted, it has been achieved, my friends. Today's episode is proof of our monumental accomplishment. In the first part of this epic series that was definitely not recorded in the middle of May, your intrepid hosts discuss how I'm not a murderer, the superior aesthetic of Halloween, how the holiday has risen in prominence in both our hearts as we've gotten older, and my deep and abiding love for visiting local pumpkin patches. Check it out below, or visit iTunes or whatever the hell it's called these days, and let the majesty of the season wash over you.
Chapter 666: Trappo's SPOOK House! (Part 1)
And this is only the beginning, friends! Halloween has only just begun, and we've got an entire month of tricks and treats in store! So check in soon for more seasonal merriment, and Happy Halloween!
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