Very loosely based on the Warren Ellis-scripted comic book mini-series, "RED" follows our hero, retired CIA operative Frank Moses (Bruce Willis), as he tries to adjust to life outside the agency. He putters around the house in his bathrobe. He works out vigorously. He decorates his lovely suburban home for the holidays. Mostly, he just looks depressed and directionless. Poor Frank is having a hard time living as a civilian.
In fact, Frank's only fleeting moments of happiness are the occassions when his pension checks arrive in the mail. Because then he gets to tear them up and call Sarah (Mary-Louise Parker), a pension office customer service representative in Kansas City. He tells her that his check got lost in the mail (again), but it's really just an excuse for him to have a conversation with the lady. Sarah reads trashy romance novels filled with passion, danger and intrigue. Frank reads them too, in order to have something to discuss with her. I guess this is sweet, but it's also a little creepy.
Late one evening, Frank's house is besieged by a gaggle of heavily armed assassins. The old man goes to toe-to-toe with several of them, dispatching the goons with impunity, before rigging the house to explode. A second group of bad guys unloads on the house, apparently using every bullet in the Western Hemisphere. The house blows up, and Frank makes his escape.
This sets up the main plot, involving Frank's trek across the United States, tracking down the members of his old team. Frank figures that if somebody is targeting him, then the rest of his crew must also be in jeopardy. So badass Frank's gonna get the band back together, figure out who's hunting them, then turn the tables on the unfortunate souls who dared to fuck with the once and future John McClane.
He also kidnaps Sarah, because, as a known associate of Frank, she is also a target. He tries to be a gentleman, but his social skills are a little rusty. Eventually, of course, Sarah realizes that Frank isn't a lunatic, but her knight in shining armour. Until then, hilarity ensues as he ties up his would-be girlfriend and drags her across the country, rambling about a black-ops hit squad hot on their tails. Ah, courtship.
We are introduced Frank's old pals Marvin (John Malkovich), Joe (Morgan Freeman), Victoria (Helen Mirren), and Ivan (Brian Cox), who all have their little quirks. Ivan, being an old school Russian, loves his Vodka (and his "one who got away"), Victoria enjoys the odd mercenary job in her spare time away from acting like Martha Stewart. Marvin's brain has been fried from repeated dosages of LSD, and sees conspiracies everywhere. And Joe has terminal cancer.
Our Social Security Expendables are out for justice, working to figure out who wants them dead. They're armed to the teeth, and they're very cranky. And they're being pursued by young hot-shot agent William Cooper (Karl Urban), a killer with a heart, as evidenced by the loving family waiting for him at home. Let's hope he manages to blow Frank's brains out quickly, so he can get back home in time to catch little Billy's soccer game!
There's a story here, but it doesn't matter. Some bullshit about an old operation in Guatemala back in 1981. Richard Dreyfuss wants everybody involved with the mission dead. He's in cahoots with the current Vice-President, who, as a greenhorn military man, lost his shit in Guatemala and massacred an entire village. Some reporter we never see found out about the cover-up, and was murdered before her story could go public. A list of potential sources found on her corpse included the names of Frank Moses and his old comrades. So now Richard Dreyfuss and his pal Post-Traumatic Bobby are using the CIA to clean up their mess.
This is all just an excuse to have Nelson Mandela dress up as a member of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band and slap the shit out of Matt Hooper. And it's worth it.
I didn't give a damn about the story. It's just a skeleton that exists to support a patchwork monster of loud action sequences and funny banter. The movie's a blast, honestly.
Bruce Willis manages to have a little fun with his lead role, something I haven't seen from him since "The Whole Nine Yards" (yes, I enjoy that movie). As he tries to have an honest conversation with Sarah, who is tied to a hotel bed, his face takes on a very sincere, earnest quality as he explains their situation in a very calm, soothing voice. As this one-sided conversation slowly tranforms into some light flirting on Frank's part, the "creepy stalker" vibe returns. It's very funny. I'm glad Willis still has it in him to actually act from time to time.
Mary-Louise Parker is entertaining as Sarah, although she has little to do aside from filling the obligatory "damsel in distress" role. She really gets into things when she realizes that the situation she's in is eerily similar to the plotlines to those dreadful romance novels she obsessively reads. This allows the character to be a little proactive for a change, which is nice. Parker doesn't get enough leeway as she does on her Showtime series "Weeds", but this is a PG-13 film, and her Nancy Botwin sure does love to say the f-word.
Morgan Freeman and Helen Mirren are the kind of actors who can entertain an audience in their sleep. Their roles in the film are not terribly large, which I found disappointing, but they do make the most of their limited screentime. A stupid plot contrivance forces Freeman's character off-screen for nearly half the film after an introduction early on, which was entirely unnecessary. And his stage four cancer ensures that he won't be back for a sequel.
Helen Mirren is fun playing a prim and proper lady of a certain age who loves spending time in the woods with a high-power sniper rifle, or firing a .50 caliber machine gun in a parking garage. Her relationship with Brian Cox's "Ivan" is charming. Ivan and Victoria were lovers once upon a time, but she was tasked with eliminating the then-KGB spy, and shot him three times in the chest. But she deliberately missed his heart, sparing his life. Ain't love grand?
Karl Urban does a fine job as the dogged Agent Cooper, who is much more than a one-dimensional antagonist. He's a company man just doing his job, thinking that Frank and his team are a clear and present danger to the United States. When the truth comes out, Cooper's moral integrity surprises his superiors.
But those guys (and gal) are small potatoes. This is the John Malkovich show. His "Marvin" is introduced relatively early, and becomes Frank's de facto partner. The way Malkovich portrays the character is inspired. Poor drug-addled Marvin is a bundle of nervous tics and conspiracy theories. He's the principal source of comic relief in the film, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Whether he's blowing up bad guys with a grenade launcher at an airport, chasing after the Vice-President with a bomb strapped to his waist and screaming like a loon, or simply standing in the background, clutching his stuffed pig, the man is a laugh riot. Malkovich's performance reminded me of Jason Patric in "The Losers". Not that the two performances were similar. No, Patric's villain was a Walken-esque brand of subdued lunacy. Malkovich is over-the-top, unhinged brilliance.
The similarity to me lies in their turns hosting "Saturday Night Live". Both were actors known for their dramatic work, and they both did an admirable job handling some truly bizarre comedy sketches. Their sojourns into big screen comedy are so rare, and yet they're both so good at comedy it boggles my mind that they're not hired more frequently for this work.
The last scene of "RED", where we see Frank pushing a dress-wearing Marvin in a wheelbarrow, clutching some stolen nuclear material, fleeing an armed militia in Moldova sent me out of the theatre with a smile on my face. I hope this movie makes good money, and we see an eventual sequel featuring this odd couple of over-the-hill ex-CIA operatives traveling the globe, getting into trouble.
Nice to see Ernest Borgnine again. If he's still alive, someone needs to give him a gun and set him loose in the sequel.
In the end, there's no real depth to be found here, but that's okay. "RED" is not striving for depth. It's not the next "Die Hard" or "Lethal Weapon". It's more like the next "Loose Cannons" or "Red Heat". And that's not a bad thing. Not every action movie is reaching for the stars.
"RED" isn't ever going to be called a "classic". It's the kind of movie you watch on cable and enjoy. You'll take away a few choice lines of dialogue, and you'll fondly remember some of the performances and action beats. You might recommend it to your friends, and they'll probably enjoy it, too. It's just a good time. Sometimes that's all you really want.
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