Things have changed. Usually around this time of year, the much-maligned state of Kansas (known by loathsome left-coast hipsters as "Lucifer's broiling butt crack") is nothing but a smoldering cinder, held tightly in the flaming grasp of summer. In these times, the word "rain" is nothing but four little letters that hold no meaning for the hopeless masses dwelling under this celestial magnifying glass. Moisture is a foreign concept, an abstract idea to be argued by dehydrated and hallucinating philosophers as they stagger through the desiccated botanical gardens at midday.
You get the point, right? Fucking hot and fucking dry.
Not this year. This summer, the skies have burst, drowning the plains in a seemingly never-ending torrent of rainfall. We've been locked in a drought for several years, and the rain was a godsend. At first. But it has persisted for weeks, and my twitchy local TV meteorologist is starting to panic as his Magic 8 Balls tells him it might be time to build an ark when he asks it to predict next week's weather forecast. Widespread flooding has become a major problem in a state filled with people who have had to look up the word "flood" in dictionaries, because it had been so long since one had occurred nobody could quite remember what the hell they really were.
Everything is wet. Nothing dries out. If you step outside to grab your morning newspaper, by the time you reach the end of your driveway you feel like you've taken in a quick and refreshing dip in a poorly maintained municipal swimming pool. I never thought I could get sick and tired of rain. Now I know why so many people commit suicide in Seattle. None of this has anything to do with this week's new episode of Podcast Strangle Party 2000, but I felt like sharing.
Entitled Dr. Pedro's Water Closet Of Terror!, this installment chronicles the life and times of an insane South American plastic surgeon and his never-ending quest to bring his own twisted concept of perfection to the world. It's really quite touching. Actually, I suppose the fact that this week's episode has the word "water" in the title does continue the overall theme of the post. So there's that. Anyway, enjoy this:
Chapter 35: Dr. Pedro's Water Closet Of Terror!
I shall return, if this weather doesn't drown me first.
TIME MARCHES ON!
I feel slightly ashamed for admitting this, but the "pug with a Mexican's face" made me laugh my ass off. Good job.
ReplyDeleteUgly tattooed hipster chicks don't do anything for me. And Kansas can become a new Great Lake for all I care.
ReplyDeleteFUCK YOU
ReplyDeleteWhat the heck is all this? Is there a format to your podcast? I can't seem to figure it out. This stuff made me laugh, but holy cow was it weird.
ReplyDeleteThis stuff feels off. I don't like it. But good fun has no notice.
ReplyDelete