The following was originally written by my pal Scott years ago on our shared Maxpages site. I am reposting it here, because I think it's hilarious. I hope you, Dear Imaginary Reader, enjoy it:
Kevin Bacon Sucked Dick In The Summer Of '76
Do you people read books? I just finished reading "High and Low on the Summer Breeze: The Autobiography of Kevin Bacon".
I must tell you, it is an inspiring read for actors and anyone interested in the craft of film making. Not only do you get insight on Kevin's life, but he shows you his secrets on getting into the mind of a character.
Take for instance, the chapter "Kevin Bacon Sucked Dick In The Summer Of '76".
In 1976, Kevin was preparing for his role in the Alan Rudolph film, "Black Medusa". He played a young tennis player who is unsatisfied with his marriage to a young German woman. So he goes to a cozy sleep away camp in the Appalachians to relax and brush up on his tennis skills, to show his wife that he too can have the strength of her Aryan father.
But there is a twist in the story. Kevin's character, named Oscar, falls in love with the camp tennis instructor, a 17 year-old boy named Dennis Allen. Oscar grows from morose and sullen at home with his wife, to carefree and happy when he is sweating on the tennis court with Dennis Allen.
He is secretly playing two different characters, and so Kevin Bacon had his 13 year-old identical twin brother do all of the physically demanding tennis sequences.
There is one crucial scene in the story where Oscar and Dennis make mad, passionate love on top of a log down by the river. It is a riveting scene.
What I like most about it are the ambient sounds: the sound mixer used a tape recorder to capture the sounds of Chad Lowe, the young actor who played Dennis, sleeping. The sound of Dennis's gentle snoring plays throughout the passionate scene.
It's the best sound design I have heard since "The Exorcist".
In order to prepare for the scene, Kevin Bacon did a little research. He stayed at an actual summer camp in Indiana for several months and wrote down his experiences in a journal, to use as notes on-set.
Here is a passage:
"Bathed in blue light, young Jimmy's come-hither legs spread open wide like the hungry mouth of a young starling in his passion, ready to take in the fruits of his mother's labor.
Jimmy was the hungry and desperate baby bird, eager to be fed, and I was the compassionate mother, ready to give baby what baby needs.
As though his manhood was full of oxygen and I was suffocating, I took the entire length of his shaft into my mouth. Like a man who could not breathe, I sucked the sweet life out of Jimmy and restored my own.
I became a new man. His sweet seed had created for me a new life, much like when a man plants his seed in the fertile valley that is woman.
But this was different because only a masculine and awe-inspiring creature like Jimmy could give me life the way only men could. I was reborn.
Semen is the foundation of existence, and the existence of Kevin Bacon, the man I was before, became something else."
A note to actors: Learn your craft well. You may never be a Kevin Bacon, but take these words and let them run through you and inspire you.
You will be a better person.
Do you people read books? I just finished reading "High and Low on the Summer Breeze: The Autobiography of Kevin Bacon".
I must tell you, it is an inspiring read for actors and anyone interested in the craft of film making. Not only do you get insight on Kevin's life, but he shows you his secrets on getting into the mind of a character.
Take for instance, the chapter "Kevin Bacon Sucked Dick In The Summer Of '76".
In 1976, Kevin was preparing for his role in the Alan Rudolph film, "Black Medusa". He played a young tennis player who is unsatisfied with his marriage to a young German woman. So he goes to a cozy sleep away camp in the Appalachians to relax and brush up on his tennis skills, to show his wife that he too can have the strength of her Aryan father.
But there is a twist in the story. Kevin's character, named Oscar, falls in love with the camp tennis instructor, a 17 year-old boy named Dennis Allen. Oscar grows from morose and sullen at home with his wife, to carefree and happy when he is sweating on the tennis court with Dennis Allen.
He is secretly playing two different characters, and so Kevin Bacon had his 13 year-old identical twin brother do all of the physically demanding tennis sequences.
There is one crucial scene in the story where Oscar and Dennis make mad, passionate love on top of a log down by the river. It is a riveting scene.
What I like most about it are the ambient sounds: the sound mixer used a tape recorder to capture the sounds of Chad Lowe, the young actor who played Dennis, sleeping. The sound of Dennis's gentle snoring plays throughout the passionate scene.
It's the best sound design I have heard since "The Exorcist".
In order to prepare for the scene, Kevin Bacon did a little research. He stayed at an actual summer camp in Indiana for several months and wrote down his experiences in a journal, to use as notes on-set.
Here is a passage:
"Bathed in blue light, young Jimmy's come-hither legs spread open wide like the hungry mouth of a young starling in his passion, ready to take in the fruits of his mother's labor.
Jimmy was the hungry and desperate baby bird, eager to be fed, and I was the compassionate mother, ready to give baby what baby needs.
As though his manhood was full of oxygen and I was suffocating, I took the entire length of his shaft into my mouth. Like a man who could not breathe, I sucked the sweet life out of Jimmy and restored my own.
I became a new man. His sweet seed had created for me a new life, much like when a man plants his seed in the fertile valley that is woman.
But this was different because only a masculine and awe-inspiring creature like Jimmy could give me life the way only men could. I was reborn.
Semen is the foundation of existence, and the existence of Kevin Bacon, the man I was before, became something else."
A note to actors: Learn your craft well. You may never be a Kevin Bacon, but take these words and let them run through you and inspire you.
You will be a better person.
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