My holiday plans were temporarily derailed by a malfunctioning modem out here in the sticks, preventing me from providing you, Dear Imaginary Reader, with the Christmas-related content you crave. But everything is back up and running here in my walk-in freezer, and I've returned to give you the gift of podcasts. Because you clearly can't get enough of our delightful podcasts. The numbers don't lie, after all, and I'm here to give the readers what they want.
Actually, if I were really here to give the readers what they wanted, I would have killed myself three years ago. No, this is all about me and what I want. And I want to continue tossing podcasts out into the void until I have left a permanent and festering scar on the supple flesh of the internet, because I'm a fucked-up guy and I have no hope for the future. And isn't that what the Christmas season is all about?
So in order to make up for yesterday's little hiccup, allow me to present to you not one but two new installments of the podcast that's bringing the entire world together like that giant psychic space squid at the end of Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' Watchmen, Mother Mistletoe's Bejeweled Dildo Prayer Hour.
These solemn and sober podcasts deal with such serious topics as time-traveling Abraham Lincoln, the systematic destruction of ancient and proud pagan cultures by ignorant and bloodthirsty Christians, sneaky cats, cheeseburgers, gratuitous nudity, Christmas, drunkenness, cannibalistic canines, the wonders of the third dimension in cinema, Easter, haunted houses, and the everlasting bonds of friendship. It's guaranteed to warm the cockles of your heart. So absorb these sacred words into your feeble brain and be reborn:
Chapter 47: Cannibal House
Chapter 48: Grandfather Unter & The Crazy Crucifix
Our schedule resumes tomorrow, with some extra-special Christmas Eve frivolity. I promise.
CHRISTMAS TIME MARCHES ON!
FUCK YOU
ReplyDelete