THE MISTLETOE INN
An aspiring romance novelist attends a writers' conference at a quaint Vermont inn.
Alicia Witt is back on the holiday beat in The Mistletoe Inn, her latest offering from Hallmark Channel, and considering I enjoyed her effort from last year, Christmas List, quite a bit, I suppose my expectations for this movie were a little higher than usual. So did The Mistletoe Inn live up to those lofty expectations?
Witt plays Kim Rossi, a wannabe writer with a day job at an upscale car dealership who just can't seem to finish her first romance novel. She's been working on it for several years, but Kim just can't crack that damned ending, and it's driving her crazy. Not really crazy, don't get me wrong. She's not hallucinating or chopping people up with an ax, just getting a little frustrated with her lack of progress. So maybe not crazy, but frustrated. Kim just can't crack that damned ending, and it's becoming very frustrating. That makes more sense.
To make matters worse, Kim's scum bag boyfriend Garth (an asshole) dumps her at an author's book reading being attended by maybe six people because he claims she's beneath him for not finishing her first novel while he's already sending his first manuscript out to several publishers who have expressed some interest, and he just needs to be with a real writer at this stage in his life. So close to Christmas, too. Bummer.
Oh, and her mother passed away some years ago right around Christmastime from a mysterious illness called "tragic backstory for our protagonist" syndrome, or TBFOP, for short, which is also a bummer. Not as big a bummer as being dumped by that sleazy dreamboat Garth, but it's a close runner-up.
But Kim can always find solace in a good romance novel to help escape her everyday humdrum existence, and nobody writes them better than HT Cowl, a reclusive author who penned a number of bestsellers in his day, but has fallen off the map entirely in recent years, with no new work being published for some time. Nobody knows where this guy lives or even what he looks like, and that mystique has only served to create a cult of personality around this enigmatic character, who's basically become the JD Salinger of the romance novel scene, if that's even a thing.
To help get her mind off the break-up and hopefully get the creative juices flowing so she can finally finish her novel, Kim signs herself up for a week-long writers' conference being held in Vermont at the alluring Mistletoe Inn. The conference is packed with guest lectures, creative workshops, and even opportunities for perspective authors to pitch their ideas to professional publishing firms. And the icing on the cake: a chance to have your unpublished novel read and critiqued by the elusive HT Cowl, who is scheduled to perform the keynote address at the end of the conference. Holy shit, that's gonna be like meeting Charles Dickens or something, right?
Upon arriving at the Inn, Kim bumps into another aspiring writer, an awkward and slightly clumsy fellow named Zeke (David Alpay) or should I say Zeke bumps into her outside of the Inn, scattering her luggage and apologizing profusely as he helps a mildly perturbed Kim re-gather her things. That's what the cool kids like to call a "meet cute". But is it really cute? Or is it just a cliché at this point? You be the judge.
Kim and Zeke have adjoining rooms at the Inn, and some wacky high jinks ensue a little later on when she's trying to get some writing done with the whisper quiet clickety-clack of her laptop keys as she types away in her room, only to have her reverie broken by the thunderous thump-thump-thump of the keys of Zeke's vintage typewriter echoing across the hall. It's the only way Zeke knows how to write, and every writer has their process, which is of paramount importance to that writer, something Kim surely understands, although in her defense, that damned typewriter sounds like a machine gun.
So Kim marches next door and tells Zeke to stop that racket, then Zeke makes fun of the soothing whale song emanating from her handy white noise machine, then they both go to bed mildly annoyed at one another for being, well, writers. Because that's shit writers do.
Kim is dismayed to see her ex Garth has also signed up for the conference, drinking heavily at the reception party and telling everyone who will listen about the rapidly growing viewership of his newly minted romance novel blog, which he seems very proud of, and I have no idea why, because I also have a blog, and it's certainly not a point of pride in my life. Who's proud of their fucking blog?
"Look what drivel I wrote and published for free on the internet! Aren't I talented?"
Blogs are kind of passé, anyway. Nobody talks about their blog, anymore. And for good reason, because anytime I heard someone in public mention something they wrote on their blog with a straight face to somebody else, I died a little inside. Keep that shit to yourself, dude.
Garth, by the way, is just a complete piece of shit. He's a condescending little prick who always has some shitty little comment at the ready to ruin Kim's fun whenever he's around. This asshole can't help but tear his ex-girlfriend down in public, despite the fact that he broke up with her because he didn't think she was important enough to remain a part of his life. Why is he even bothering to talk with her at all if he doesn't even like her? And he doesn't like Kim, not one bit. He just likes hurting her feelings, because he knows how to get a reaction out of her, which is a form of genuine abuse.
When her first creative writing assignment wins top honors at the conference, Garth's right there to call her victory nothing more than beginner's luck, deflating her sense of accomplishment in front of her peers at a reception. This asshole even finds Kim's manuscript sample that she turned in to be considered for critique by HT Cowl and surreptitiously tossed it in the garbage, just because he could. Garth's a reedy little bully who could stand to get punched in the face a few hundred times for his trouble.
But Kim doesn't let Garth ruin her time at the conference, because she's got Zeke to keep things interesting. He's a patient and funny man who shows a genuine interest in Kim and her work, which are things Garth could never bother to pretend to do, and he's handsome, to boot, which never hurts. The pair begin to bond as they work over their assignments at the writing workshops, and she even lets Zeke read her still-unfinished manuscript, an act of genuine trust that surprises even herself.
And after Zeke invites Kim to skip out on Day Four of the writers' conference to visit New York City with him, she can't resist actually seeing the places she's only written about in her story before. During their night on the town, taking in the sights, sounds and smells of the Big Apple for "research purposes", Kim realizes she might just be falling in love with this charming fellow Zeke.
But he doesn't talk too much about his past, which is a bit of a red flag, if I'm being honest. Zeke loves to hear Kim tell stories about her youth and her experience as a struggling romance novelist, but whenever she asks him about his past, he gets a little vague. Kim knows he's been divorced, and that said divorce basically dried up his creative well on top of breaking his heart, and that's why he's been suffering from a powerful case of writer's block as of late. That's pretty much all she knows about Zeke, however.
But that's maybe not so important in the grand scheme of things, after all. He's a bit shy, so it will just take a little time to break down his walls and get to the real Zeke underneath, the person he's hiding from the world-
He's HT Cowl. "Zeke" is short for Hezikiah, and that's what his mother used to call him. This is supposed to be a twist, but anybody with a functioning brain has figured this out ten seconds after Kim meets "Zeke" in front of the eponymous Mistletoe Inn. Of course Zeke is HT Cowl. That's the whole point of the story. He pretended to be just another aspiring writer attending the conference because he wasn't too keen on being the keynote speaker to begin with, but his publishers insisted he attend to publicize a soon-to-be-announced collection of his old short stories, otherwise they would drop him as a client due to his lack of a new novel to market this holiday season.
So Zeke, always being more comfortable as an observer, decided to hide his identity and just blend in with the crowd at the conference until he was due to give his speech. Meeting Kim certainly wasn't part of his plan, and when he realized he had feelings for her and had already learned that she was a big fan of HT Cowl's work, he felt that if he shared the truth then Kim would see him differently, as the novelist she idolizes and not the man she may be falling in love with.
Zeke's afraid that his celebrity will destroy any chance he has with this remarkable woman who has reinvigorated his love of writing, as well as his love of love itself. He knows that he's kept up this charade for so long that there's no good way to break the news to Kim that he hasn't been entirely truthful about his identity, but he attempts to come clean before his keynote speech, although Kim thinks whatever he has to say can wait until after she hears the legendary HT Cowl speak, something she's dreamed about for a long time. She's a little bummed out that she didn't win the chance to have the master read her manuscript, but at least she'll still be able to meet her hero, right?
When Kim sees Zeke ascend the podium to begin his speech, she's gobsmacked. What's Zeke doing up there and where's HT Cowl? Then it hits her, and she's simultaneously thrilled and devastated. Sure, she's been spending all this time with her literary idol, but he's been lying to her since they first met. He never trusted Kim enough to tell her the entire truth, and that's a painful realization. Zeke had his reasons, but he was ultimately wrong not to just trust Kim to handle the truth.
After Zeke's speech, Kim quickly checks out of the Mistletoe Inn and heads home to spend Christmas with her doting father, only to be surprised at the front door by Garth, who tries to weasel his way back into her life so that she could pass along his manuscript to HT Cowl, because this asshole never stops trying to find the bottom of the barrel to tunnel underneath it. Kim just laughs in his face and tells him to get lost, and mercifully, he does.
Then Zeke shows up with a bouquet of roses and a letter from Pendant Publishing (which I believe is the outfit Elaine Benes from Seinfeld used to work for), stating their interest in publishing Kim's finished manuscript. He's too much of a romantic to let a good love story end before it even starts, so he tells her he was an idiot, and that Kim has made him open his eyes and see that life is more than just standing in the background and observing the world. Life is to be lived, really lived, and he can't think of anybody he'd rather live that life with than Kim. She reminds her paramour that they happen to be standing under mistletoe, and they embrace as snow begins to fall around their heads.
That's The Mistletoe Inn, and it is a delight. It's a simple story, told well and anchored by two lead performers who demonstrate palpable chemistry whenever they share the screen. Alicia Witt has to be the single most expressive performer I've ever seen in these movies. Just watching her range of facial expressions throughout the movie was entertaining enough. She can capture this mesmerizing look of starry-eyed wonder that I've never seen matched in any Hallmark Channel movie. It's quite impressive. And when her characters need to cry, Alicia Witt can switch on the waterworks and match the tears with a practiced pout that can melt even the coldest of hearts. I know I'm being effusive with my praise here, but dammit, I'm allowed.
I've featured five of her previous films on this blog during my prior Schlock-Mas celebrations, and they haven't all been good. Hell, I'm Not Ready For Christmas was one of the worst movies I've ever seen, period. But I still liked Alicia Witt in that movie. Because she's never turned in a bad performance that I've seen. She exudes a natural likability that can't be taught in any acting school, and she never takes herself too seriously as an actor, never afraid to make herself look a little foolish if it serves the plot. She turns in top-notch work here in The Mistletoe Inn, and I was positively charmed by her performance.
And that David Alpay guy wasn't so bad, himself. He was also in Sleigh Bells Ring, the movie I watched last Christmas Eve that served as a personal breaking point of sorts for the safe and predictable fare that is the Hallmark Channel original movie. It wasn't that movie's fault that I couldn't enjoy it. No, in retrospect it was a perfectly fine holiday product. But I had just become over-saturated with that perfectly fine holiday product over the previous month, and I took out my frustrations on a movie that honestly didn't deserve it. David Alpay was also good in Sleigh Bells Ring, but he was much better here in The Mistletoe Inn, serving as an excellent romantic foil for Alicia Witt's character.
In the end, I was genuinely invested in these two lonely creative types and their blossoming romance, and that's due almost entirely to Witt and Alpay being genuinely invested in the material they brought to life onscreen. So I heartily recommend The Mistletoe Inn. It's a pretty good way to waste a couple hours in front of the television this holiday season. Now what about those tropes?
Little White Lies - If Zeke had just been honest from the start, maybe he would have been able to kiss Kim before the final thirty seconds of the movie.
Assistant Chef Jen - Fuck you, Garth! You deserve this!
VERDICT: VERY NICE
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