Do you ever stand under the night sky, gazing into the cosmos, and idly wonder whether or not we're alone in the universe? Do you ever sit alone in a quiet room, staring into the middle distance, contemplating your own mortality? Do you ever lie awake at night, tossing and turning in your comfortable bed, consumed by the great mysteries of life? Have you ever wandered through a graveyard after midnight, traipsing between the weathered headstones, tormented by the UNASWERABLE QUESTION?!
Little known fact: if you somehow miraculously manage to answer the UNANSWERABLE QUESTION whilst traipsing through a graveyard after midnight, you WILL break down the barriers between our world and the places beyond, and the Great Old Ones WILL return to this damned realm to reclaim what is rightfully theirs. Thus will end the Age Of Man, and thus will begin the age of Unrelenting Terror. It is written in the Necronomicon. So be a good little citizen and never, ever contemplate such philosophical quandaries whilst venturing through a fucking cemetery after midnight. It is not recommended.
Also not recommended: Attempting to invent a 27th letter for the english alphabet. If you do manage to achieve success in this endeavor, you'll still tear down the fragile barriers between our realm and what lies beyond, only instead of resurrecting the terrifying Elder Gods of myth and legend, you will resurrect the career of Family Ties actress Tina Yothers. I will leave for you to decide whether this is a worse fate for the world than the prophesied coming of DREAD CTHULHU.
Why am I talking about this? Because this is what I, your humble webmaster, attempted to do earlier this year. I won't tell you if I succeeded in my fool's quest, but I haven't seen Tina Yothers on TV since 1995's A Perry Mason Mystery: The Case Of The Jealous Jokester. I think that little factoid speaks for itself. But if you are so inclined, you can actually listen to my vain attempt to destroy the alphabet as we know it in our newest installment of The Podcast Of Lies!
This delightful episode is entitled The Slow Descent Into Alphabetical Madness, and in this case, the title tells you basically everything you need to know. I do hope you enjoy this little slice of drunken hysteria, because it nearly cost me my sanity. The things I do for my craft.
Directly below, you will find links to the previous 8 (?!) installments of our amazing podcast, in case you're too lazy to use the ever-so-simple navigation tools located on the right of this very page.
Enjoy this.
Episode One: The Horror Show
Episode Two: Encounters With Charlie Sheen
Episode Three: Costilini Mandivore
Episode Four: The Metropolis Podcast
Episode Five: The Sports Movie Podcast
Episode Six: Beauty Pageant Pedophile
Episode Seven: Elder Manatee
Episode Eight: Battle For The Planet Of The Showgirls
Do you see what I did, there? I added newly-created posters for each exciting episode, depicting people and things associated with each installment! Isn't that just the coolest thing you've ever seen?! That's how much I care, Dear Imaginary Reader/Listener! Now immerse yourself in the decadence that is The Podcast Of Lies. You'll thank me later.
P.S. - The next chapter in The Kuato Tapes will arrive this Thor's Day. And speaking of the Norse God of Thunder, a special head-to-head review is coming soon.
Marvel's Thor versus The Asylum's Almighty Thor. Be there. That is all.
I thought podcasts were supposed to have a point. It's still funny, though. Weird...
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