Schlock Corridor: Day Twenty-Seven

INVASION OF THE BEE GIRLS

"A government agent travels to a small town to investigate a series of mysterious murders and uncovers an otherworldly plot."

 

So a bunch of eggheads in a small university town are being fucked to death by women who are kinda sorta transforming into honeybees, maybe? A super-science lady somehow combined bee DNA with human DNA, and this turns normal women into sex-starved insect people with compound eyes. 

I don't understand what that has to do with bees. Only the queen bee actually mates, and only once, so why are all of these women constantly on the make? There's some bullshit explanation at the end of the film about how radiation made them sterile, and that drives them to fuck ugly men until their ugly hearts explode inside their ugly rib cages, but it doesn't even approach the realm of making sense. 

What exactly was the end-game, here? Were they just planning to fuck-murder every man in the world, then die of old age because they couldn't reproduce? Nothing in this movie makes sense. Bee girls transform normal women into other bee girls by stabbing them with a tacky broach, stripping them naked, slathering them with marshmallow fluff, then letting bees swarm their still bodies until they just become part honeybee, somehow. Then, of course, they engage in a Sapphic orgy. 

There's an attempted rape scene that comes out of fucking nowhere and has absolutely no bearing on the greater plot. The bee girls don't murder the rapists later in the film, which I was half-expecting because at least that's an attempt to do something, but instead nothing happens. One of the scientists couldn't be seduced by the sensual bee girls due to his being homosexual, so instead the bee girls just run him over in public, right in front of the film's protagonist, but he was too busy staring at his shoes to see who was behind the wheel of the murder-car. 

And of course the one gay character in the movie has a hidden sex dungeon in his home. S&M and homosexuality are the exact same fucking thing, right? 

The climax involves the male lead, some State Department stooge named Agar, rescuing his girlfriend from the bee girls in their secret lair. He shoots a random console and absconds with his naked pal while the bee girls all shriek and everything blows up around them for no good reason. The bee girls all die, nothing ever makes sense, and our two leads bump and grind in the bedroom. 

The film ends with a bunch of stock shots of bees pollinating as the haunting tones of "Thus Sprach Zarathustra" (that song you know from 2001: A Space Odyssey) bellow ominously... and confusingly. I don't know... I can't... 

I don't know what Invasion Of The Bee Girls is trying to be, because it fails at just about everything. Its not suspenseful, it's not erotic, it's not funny, the science fiction elements are nonsensical, there's no logic to the villain's plot, and the film never even bothers to provide a real explanation for how these events got started in the first place. It's a shit-show. 

I was surprised to see Nicholas Meyer credited as the film's writer. This is the guy who wrote Time After Time, The Seven Per Cent Solution and Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan, and Invasion Of The Bee Girls was his first produced screenplay. I learned after the fact that Meyer was so appalled with the final product that he only kept his name on the film at the behest of his manager, so he clearly wasn't happy with the way things turned out. And he wasn't the only one. 

YOUR TIME IS RUNNING OUT!