The following is a story a friend wanted to share. Don't ask me why...
"I was at the movies the other day, right? And as I was waiting for the movie to start, I'm getting ready to smoke a cigarette, right?
I reach for my lighter, and I can't fucking find it!
I'm searching all my pockets over and over again, right? But it's fucking gone, man! Maybe I left it home, or some shit.
Anyway, I spot this broad, right? She's leaning against a wall, and she's smoking a cigarette. She's trying to look cool, you know, but I know better. All faux-intellectual and bitter.
Plus, she's wearing a scarf in May. I hate that shit.
But I need to light my cigarette, and I assume this broad lit her cigarette somehow. Lighter, matches, two sticks rubbed together... I don't give a fuck.
I need my soot before the movie, otherwise I get antsy. And when I get antsy, I punch motherfuckers.
So I straighten my hair out, a little. You know, no big deal. I saunter on over to the broad and politely ask her for a light.
This snooty bitch gives me the fucking cold shoulder! She totally turns her head and rolls her fucking eyes at me! What the fuck, man!?
Sure, this broad is fucking frigid because she's never had a pleasing encounter with a man in her life, but that's not my fucking fault. If she jumped in the sack with me, she'd have no fucking complaints! In her fucking dreams...
I'd never fuck some stuck-up broad who wears a scarf in May.
Well, maybe if she asked REAL nice, I'd give her a pity fuck. But that's it.
Anyway, I get in this chick's face, right? I tell her to give me a light, otherwise there's gonna be trouble. She totally gets that "I'm about to be raped" look in her fucking eyes, and she hits me with the fucking pepper spray!
Before I can react, this dumb broad runs away, and I'm left screaming, clutching me eyes in front of the movie house, with no fucking light! Can you believe this shit?!
She comes back a few minutes later with these two burly security guards who look like they're just waiting for an excuse to break their little nightsticks over my head. I struggle a bit, but it's no good. The taser comes out to play, and I end up pissing myself in front of this crowd of dick-licking rubberneckers!
Un-fucking-believable.
Anyway, I get hauled off to jail, and spend the night locked up, because my alcoholic mother wouldn't answer her fucking phone!
This shit was like two years ago. I've never forgotten my lighter, since.
-Vinnie"
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