This Sounds Familiar...

Perhaps you've noticed that most of my amusing little anecdotes involve situations that occur during my frequent visits to the local cinema.

Or perhaps you don't, seeing as how nobody reads this blog. But that's okay. I noticed it for you.

Because I'm a very observant guy.

This is because I don't really like leaving the house. I'm this close to being a complete shut-in. It's what I prefer, honestly. I don't care for people, in general.

Going to sporting events, or concerts, the shopping mall, the beach, bowling, a fancy restaurant... not my scene. Too many damned people, talking about things that do not interest me, annoying me with their very presence...

Christ, I just shuddered thinking about it.

So why a movie theater? A big, crowded room full of people that I don't like on principle. Movies are a passion of mine, I suppose. I've loved watching movies for as long as I can remember.

And there's some magic in seeing a movie on that big screen, with the music pumping out of those massive speakers. People don't annoy me in a theater.

Well, mostly. Occassionally, there's that douchebag who just gets under your skin. Maybe he won't shut up. Maybe he's talking too loud. Maybe he has some breathing issues.

Like this fellow I had to sit next to when I saw "G.I. Joe" in August. I say "fellow", but what I mean is "manatee".

He was taking up the better part of three seats, having pulled up the adjustable armrests, giving his ample girth more room to spread across the already-generous seating.

He sounded like he was trying to breathe through a thin film of molasses in his throat. I almost thought he was slowly drowning in his own phlegm, but he did not expire during the feature presentation. It freaked me out.

He would punctuate his nightmarish breathing sounds periodically with a thick and hearty honking noise, presumably to choke down enough snot to prevent his lungs from filling up.

Good times, those were.

See? I just did it again. Wow. I didn't even mean to do it, that time.

What I'm trying to say is that as a fan of "Cinema" with a capital C, there really is nothing that beats that theatrical experience when it comes to enjoying a movie. That experience allows me to tolerate people to a degree that I would otherwise find impossible.

Every now and then, the communal experience happens. The scary movie makes you all jump, or shout. Then you all laugh about it. The comedy hits your funny bone, and the whole crowd can't stop laughing. The drama tugs on your heart strings, and maybe you all shed a tear. The adventure gets your blood pumping, and you cheer.

It's a true shared experience. You're all strangers, but you've all just experienced this movie together. It's something you really can't beat.

It's the Magic of Cinema.

And it's enough to make me bury my misanthropic nature for a little while. And interesting things tend to happen to me when I go to the movies. Interesting to me, at any rate.

So I rant about them here. It helps me hold onto those feelings a little longer, to keep them from fading away. The good and the bad.

I wouldn't trade it for anything.