A Very Nihilistic Kweznuz - Day 5

A Very Nihilistic Kweznuz - Day 4

A Very Nihilistic Kweznuz - Day 3

A Very Nihilistic Kweznuz - Day 2

A Very Nihilistic Kweznuz - Day 1

I Draw The Line At Picking Flowers...

White Meat. Dark Meat. All Will Be Carved.

Blackmail The Universe

When There's No More Room In Hell...

Swelling Out In The Wrong Direction

Won't Somebody Think Of The Children?!

Aluminum Is A Jive Metal

BRONSON-MANIA!!!

I Am Repelled By Wholesomeness

Blood Is Thicker Than Urine

There Are Ghosts In My Sinuses!

Thanks For The Mammaries!

Pig Snerv!

I narrowly avoided a cinematic nervous breakdown.

Patriotism! - A Cautionary Tale

Wish It Into The Cornfield!

And An Asshole Shall Lead Them...

Observations Of The Human Animal In Nature

I Fell Into A Puddle And Ruined My Pants!

I Know A Man Who Owns A Goat!

Martians Love Kuato. They Think He's Fuckin' George Washington!

A Rainbow Bridge Over Troubled Water

This is a very long, rambling post. Moreso than usual!

I Shot A Man In Venusville Just To Watch Him Die

I'll Get You, Inspector Kuato!!!

(This entry ws originally posted on Thursday, but then Blogger "accidentally" deleted it. I know they're out to get me. They're all out to get me. But I will not be thwarted. So I present a mostly-accurate representation of the original entry, recreated entirely from my notoriously terrible memory. Enjoy! - Management)

Sweet Daddy Champagne's Podcast-O-Rama!!!

All Glory To Kuato!

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A

Hello, Dear Imaginary Reader!

Podcasting Is A Man's Vocation!

I Started Humming A Song From 1962...

Last week, I was sitting in Ky's Oldsmobile, driving around our fair city in the dead of night. This is something we used to do frequently in years past. We never had any real destination in these nocturnal journeys. It was just something we did for fun. And it was surprisingly fun, after all. Who knew that aimlessly wandering around a benighted midwestern town in a battered old car would constitute a good time?

They Took My Gonads, Dennis!

Who likes pointlessness?

Blood, Thunder, & Alien Love: A Tragedy

The seasons are in flux. The world is coming unglued. The sky is falling. And I saw Paul in theatres.

The God Of Cinema Is Displeased...

Just Talkin' 'Bout Blood - A Pre-Review Rant 

Battle: Los Angeles makes warfare boring. It makes alien invasions boring. It makes excitement boring. It's the latest cinematic offering from director Jonathan Liebesman, the "talent" behind the horror classics Darkness Falls and Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. My god, Darkness Falls must be one of the worst films I have ever seen. It's filled with shoddy dialogue, plotholes large enough to fall through, wooden acting, and uninspired cinematography.

I'm Trying To Resonate Concrete!

The Adjustment Bureau is a movie about angels and fate and politics and sharp suits and magic hats and water and Emily Blunt's pouting lips. Shit happens, then the credits roll. That's it.

I honestly don't have a great deal to say about the film. It was entertaining. I was certainly never bored. I'd go so far as to say I enjoyed the experience. But it just seems ultimately ineffectual. Cool concepts, fine acting, and subtle, non-flashy direction all come together to make a good, if not terribly memorable motion picture.

Fuck You, World! Here's A Podcast!

I began my little experiment in the exciting world of podcasts last October. Not sure why, exactly. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Mostly it stems from my pathological obsession with documenting conversations.

The Diary Of Daynis Novrod Manaro

I Broke My Stickshift - A Preamble

Drive Angry, or Drive Angry 3D, or maybe even Drive Angry: Shot In 3D. For purposes of expediency, I will henceforth refer to the film simply as Drive Angry. This film is the latest from the writer/director team of Todd Farmer and Patrick Lussier. I say "the latest", but it's really only their second collaboration, their first being 2009's My Bloody Valentine 3D.

King Snake: The Eternal Mystery

A Roller Derby Kind Of Evening

Last Saturday, I was meant to take in my first all-female roller derby game. My cousin Ky knows a few of the players, and goes to their games from time to time. This time, he invited me along. I assume all of his real friends were busy. I wasn't terribly enthusiastic about it, to be honest. Sure, being a human male with working genitalia, the whole "catfight" thing appeals to me on a primal level. Get a group of girls together, skating around, slamming into each other... the mind tends to fill in the blanks.

Something About A Fuzzy Pink Rabbit...

I didn't want to see Unknown. I had absolutely no interest in this movie. I was thinking the weekend would come and go, and this damned movie would simply pass me by. My mother had other plans.

What's That Smell?!

Happy days are here again! For I, your humble blogmeister, have returned from the wasteland with an all-new, all different video entertainment! You'll find it directly below. But before you simply scroll down and ignore the embedded video before tracking down your favorite Smurf-related porn site, I think a little explanation is in order.

I Am Not Your Blowing Wind, Dammit!!!

I haven't been out and about so much this year, movie-wise. By this time last year, I had seen eleven movies. This year, I've only seen two. Of course, there's really nothing out there that I want to see. In fact, the only movie that opens in February that I honestly want to see is Drive Angry: Shot In 3D. Because it looks like a good time. It's made by the writer/director duo behind My Bloody Valentine 3D, a film I really enjoyed, the plot sounds right up my alley, and it stars Nicolas Cage and William Fichtner, two actors I adore. How could I not see this damned movie?!

Enter The Snarklefarg Of Gamar!

Does anybody actually know anything about the Green Hornet? Not the new movie. I mean the character. Some people probably remember the 1960's television show. Not because it was any good, of course. The only reason that show is remembered is because Bruce Lee played the Green Hornet's trusty sidekick, Kato.

Everybody Loves You, Steve!

Do you like podcasts? I like podcasts! It's a brand new year, Dear Imaginary Reader, and to help celebrate this joyous occassion, it is my great honor to deliver two, that's right TWO new podcasts for your listening pleasure!

The Bank Foreclosed On My House On Memory Lane

Now that January is almost over, I think now is the perfect time to unleash my daringly conventional "Best Of 2010" and "Worst Of 2010" lists. Why? Because conformity is important to me. If you read this delightful blog regularly (and I know you do!), then you know that much about me. I have always tried my best to fit in. That's how I fuck with The Man. Let's just get this over with.

Wait, What Happened To Astrology?!

                      Happy New Year, Cocksuckers!!!

I've recently been overcome with post-holiday malaise. 2011 showed up and killed my motivation. I've mostly been sitting around, playing Dragon Age: Origins and its numerous expansion packs. I've owned the game for over a year, and have played through the epic storyline several times, but I've never played any of the expansions until recently, when I purchased the "ultimate edition". So that was obviously the perfect excuse to immerse myself in the world of Ferelden once again.